ANYTHING & EVERYTHING

30. Stop being ungrateful

2012-01-26T11:04:00.001-05:00

Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

STRONGLY BELIEVE IN THIS. I am so utterly grateful for all that life has given me and continues to bring my way. Even on the worst of days, I have a ton to be thankful for and I completely realize that there are many less fortunate in the world so I am definitely happy to have all that I have and thankful for all my blessings.

Going through each item on the 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself list has given me a great insight into all that I was already doing and all that I need to do to make 2012 the kinda year I want it to be : ) Now off to ACTUALLY DO IT!!!!!

29. Stop focusing on what you don't want to happen

2012-01-26T10:24:00.000-05:00

Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

+ + + <3 <3 <3

Love this one!

28. Stop worrying so much

2012-01-26T10:19:00.000-05:00

Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

Another thing that seems to be fading with age. I remember when everything used to matter so much more in life and life always seemed too dramatic and too complicated. The best is when I talk to the hubby about any kind of worry I may have and he makes me realize how trivial everything is really. Nothing is the end of the world, everything works out : ) The only thing in life that made me wish I was a boy.

27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone

2012-01-25T10:15:00.000-05:00

Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.

Ok, Will do : ) I have been pulled in many directions lately and found myself always short on time. Had to prioritize and cut down in order to make everything fit my schedule. So, I agree, can't do everything everywhere for everyone.

26. Stop blaming others for your troubles

2012-01-25T10:12:00.001-05:00

Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

Each person is responsible for their own life and choices and paths and results. You are to blame and you are to be applauded for what your life is made of. I definitely take responsibility for all that is ME!

25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn't

2012-01-24T10:00:00.001-05:00

Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

I have a somewhat transparent face. My emotions completely show through, sad/happy/mad, whatever I'm feeling is easy to see from my expressions. Generally, its quite difficult for me to pretend like everything is ok, if its not. I do however tend to not ask for help when needed and take everything upon myself till its too much too handle. These days I seem to cry easily, tears are not hard for me to shed, lol so at least I can get over things quicker : )

24. Stop following the path of least resistance

2012-01-24T10:00:00.000-05:00

Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

Need to, want to, must do something extraordinary this year! I don't care what it is, just have to accomplish something significant ; )

23. Stop trying to make things perfect

2012-01-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.

Well, this one I can ace easily. Not a perfectionist at all. I'm laid back and more focused on the journey than the results : )

22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments

2012-01-23T09:40:00.000-05:00

Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

Ah, so true and how I've learned to cherish life's little things in the past few years. Sometimes life is so hectic and time is flying by so fast that its easy to overlook the things that matter. I'm glad that this is something motherhood has taught me.

21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break

2012-01-22T09:50:00.000-05:00

Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

It has always been hard for me to take a break. I get too wrapped up in the flow of things and forget to step back and take a look at where I'm headed. I am really going to try and do this more so I can reassess and regroup my thoughts.

20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others

2012-01-22T09:39:00.000-05:00

Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

This is something I have learned over time. As I've matured (somewhat) over the years and learned from the hubby, I have realized that as long as you know you're doing something for the right reasons, you don't have to explain anything to anyone else. It only confuses things more and makes life more complicated than it needs to be.

19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level

2012-01-22T09:00:00.000-05:00

Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

Another thing you learn to do better with age. People tend to affect you less and less and your own strengths tend to carry you forward more and more.

18. Stop holding grudges

2012-01-21T09:45:00.000-05:00

Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

I know this is true but it is SO HARD TO DO. I can forgive people to a certain extent but it is definitely hard for me to forget things. I'm going to have to try to work very hard on that one.

17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself

2012-01-21T09:38:00.001-05:00

Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

I love this one and strongly believe it to be true. It is one of my biggest pet peeve's when people feel sorry for themselves. I also truly believe everything happens for the best and although the reason maybe unknown to us in the moment, life has a mysterious way of working itself out.

16. Stop being jealous of others

2012-01-21T08:55:00.000-05:00

Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

Envy in my opinion is one of the worst traits in a person. That is one trait I'm extremely happy to find a lack of in myself : ) I wouldn't want people to be jealous of what I have, I would hope that those near and dear to me would be happy for me.

15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else

2012-01-20T11:54:00.000-05:00

Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

I LOVE THIS ONE because in my opinion it is very true. You can only do your best and trying for that is the only thing that can lead you to your best success. Good or bad, I'm not a competitive person at all. I don't care what someone has, I only want what my heart desires based on what I need & want, never based on what someone else has. I'm genuinely happy for my family and friends that do well. I think surrounding yourself with happy, driven and successful people influences you in a positive way but only if you take it in a positive way.

14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work

2012-01-19T11:59:00.000-05:00

Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

I'm happy to have many people in life that serve this purpose for me and I really hope to focus more on those and stay away from the others as part of my new year's resolution : )

13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons

2012-01-19T11:53:00.000-05:00

Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

I definitely waited for the right relationship and the right person and married him for the best of reasons. Love does indeed come to you when you least expect and leaves you helpless when it's meant to be : )

12. Stop thinking you're not ready

2012-01-18T11:59:00.000-05:00

Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

Definitely love the feeling of jumping into something head first, not knowing where it might take me or what it may lead to. Don't think I am afraid of taking up on opportunities life has brought my way, perhaps just lazy? Or as I previously stated, I think too much about it, to the point where the benefits start to seem cloudy. Need to jump onto the very next opportunity that comes my way, without thinking or looking or waiting too long.

11. Stop being idle

2012-01-18T11:51:00.000-05:00

Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

One thing I do wish I had done more of in life is take risks. For the most part I have chosen the safer options in life and although I have taken a few risks in life, I wish I would do more of that. Risks have definitely led me to the more fruitful and satisfying options in life. So, hopefully, that'll be something new I'll try this year : )

10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness

2012-01-17T12:17:00.000-05:00

Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.

I hate to admit it but I have experienced this in life several times. Everytime I was heartbroken or hurt or unhappy, I kept trying to find happiness in others and it never worked. Made me feel worse and made my struggles harder. Until you can accept reality and resolve your own issues, no one else can penetrate your personal space and make life better for you.

9. Stop trying to buy happiness

2012-01-17T11:34:00.001-05:00

Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.

This is SO TRUE!!!! My happiest memories are ones that required no money. I do think money makes life easier but happiness really does come from the simplest pleasures in life. Nothing makes me happier than time at the park with my lil girl or walks on moonlit nights around the DC monuments with the hubby or endless hours of nonstop chatter with my mom & sis. All things that are absolutely free but give me the UTMOST satisfaction. Can't say I haven't tried to buy happiness at times but life has reminded me over and over again that the best things in life are indeed FREE!!!

8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes

2012-01-16T11:28:00.003-05:00

Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

This is something I strongly believe and feel that I am what I am today because its meant to be this way and because this is the chosen path for me. I don't have any regrets in life and I ALWAYS take each step in life as a learning experience. I'm happy with all that life has put me through and feel that my inner strength comes from living through these experiences.

7. Stop being scared to make a mistake

2012-01-15T11:16:00.011-05:00

Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

I definitely have not taken a whole lotta risks in life and I certainly feel like I need to do that more. Some part of me is always afraid of making a mistake and affecting others close to me with those "wrong steps". Feel like I haven't found that thing in life I "LOVE" to do (besides being a Mom). What do I want to do? What is my calling? What would I LOVE to do for the rest of my life? Hope I can find some sort of hint or a pointer to help me answer these questions....

6. Stop trying to hold onto the past

2012-01-14T11:04:00.009-05:00

Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

I have to say, its very hard for me to let things go. I can forgive very easily but its very difficult for me to forget. I definitely feel like I would feel so much lighter if I could do this. Its easier said than done but I have to try and forget more if I'm going to make room for newer things in life. Holding on to the past certainly makes it very hard to move on to your future.

5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not

2012-01-13T13:41:00.011-05:00

Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

This is a tricky one. As a person, I am definitely who I want to be, no pretenses and no facades. Have never wanted to be anyone else nor wished for anyone else's life. I really do LML (Love My Life), all of it, the good and the bad equally. As far as the keeping up with the Joneses thing goes, its hard not to want to do better in life. For the most part however, my goals in life always come from what I want to achieve in life and not from what everyone else is achieving. Doesn't mean that I don't take inspiration from others in life. Always good to see people do good in life and I am happy to see my friends and family do well. It inspires me to keep going and reaching for bigger and better things in life : )

4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner

2012-01-12T14:00:00.001-05:00

Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

This I feel I am somewhat guilty of. Everything else always seems to take precedence over my own goals and I definitely need to do a better job at that this year. Hence the decrease in social activities : ) Going to make atleast 3 things about myself a priority this year: Gym time, Quality time w the hubby & Creative time so my brain doesn't turn into mush!

3. Stop lying to yourself

2012-01-11T11:28:00.000-05:00

Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.

Another thing I'm quite sure I do majority of the time. Can't think of instances where I may have lied to myself about the reality of a situation or person or thing. If I'm ever going to improve anything about myself, I have to be honest and real about it.

2. Stop running from your problems

2012-01-10T16:19:00.000-05:00

Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

This is something I'm proud to say I have honestly done most of my life for most of my problems. In fact its quite hard for me to run away from my problems because until I resolve things, they haunt me constantly. Life has definitely given me opportunities to deal with every sort of problem, lol, and I have survived it all : ) As they say, if didn't break you, it only made you stronger!!!!

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people

2012-01-09T16:23:00.000-05:00

"Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends."

This is soooo important. You are who you surround yourself with and I have severely realized the importance of this in the past few months. This world is full of dramatic, angry, selfish, self-centered, pessimistic people. At times whether its out of pity or wanting to help them, I find myself trying to bring them to the other side but quickly realize that its hard to change a person. Instead I end up stuck between them and the negative energy, not a place anyone needs to be. So, Goodbye drama! Goodbye negativity! Goodbye wrong people!!!!

I recently read somewhere that if people spent less time finding faults in others and more time fixing their own flaws, the world would be a much better place. So I'd like to spend more time on making sure I do the right things and becoming a better person and fixing my own flaws : )

New Year .... New Outlook ... New Resolutions : )

2012-01-09T16:01:00.000-05:00

Another year over! I am truly amazed at how fast time is passing. I thought life is supposed to slow down as you get older? In my case it feels like each year is quicker than the last. Hope everyone had a great start to the new year. My first day of the year turned out to be slightly different that I would've liked but hopefully that won't be an indication of what to expect the rest of this year. There is so much to look forward to and so much to be afraid of this year : ) Keep trying to mentally prepare myself for all that is coming my way. Wish me luck coz I could reeeeeally use it.

Every year, like most people, I make resolutions and every year, like most people, I fail to reach them :( Fitness, Family, Finance, Fun ... all the same stuff ... never the expected result. This year I'm going to try something different. My only but important resolution this year is to cut down on the endless socialization. Too many people, too many obligations, too much wastage of time. I'm going to try to make this year about quality over quantity in every aspect of life.

Came across an interesting article that completely inspired me and I'm going to let it help me in reaching my only resolution. 30 Things to Stop doing to yourself: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/ Over the next month, I'll try and go through each point and see how I can adapt that in my life. Soooo, WISH ME LUCK!!!!!

Ob-li-ga-tions

2011-11-16T13:51:00.000-05:00

Life is crazy busy! I'm sure thats the case for most. There seem to always be endless amounts of things to do and constant hope for longer days with more hours in the days. Birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, dinner parties, girl's night out, mommy's night out, date nights, double dates, festivals, vacations, visitors, etc. There was a point when I used to feel overwhelmed by all this. It felt like I could never keep up with everything I needed to do and the list seemed to grow exponentially. Few weeks ago I was speaking to my MIL and complaining about how we don't have a single weekend free till New Year's and she said to me, "Thats good, that means your life is full!" Took me a second to absorb it but she was right. My life is full. Its full of wonderful people (for the most part), full of goals and expectations & social and personal obligations. And I'm lucky to have that, right? I mean as much as I may complain about never having enough time, the fact that I'm busy is the sign of a good life, especially since its busy because I choose to make it so. I could skip on many "obligations" but I choose not to. I like seeing my family every week and spending time with our friends, even if its through sad times. I like having my calendar full. I like all the items I put on there. They are there because I want them to be. Very rarely do I "have to" do things I don't want to. So I'm thankful ... for all of it ... even the sad ones ... and despite the few "have to's" I'm glad to have most of the "want to's" : )

Reminder to remember what I am constantly reminded of ...

2011-11-12T13:50:00.000-05:00

Lately my mind has been filled with a billion thoughts so had to put them down in order to rid my brain of all the unnecessary, overflowing information. Every time something tragic happens to someone I know, I think to myself "This is a reminder from God to cherish what's important and to not waste time on the trivial things in life" Quite often I'm bothered by the nitty gritty useless yet time consuming issues of life ... he said, she said, they should, we didn't ... family, friends, coworkers, strangers ... you come across a ton of circumstances that make up your daily life but so few things in life really matter. I'm human, things get to me, I'm bogged down and shocked by deceits and insecurities and back stabbing and gossip and irrational behavior and selfishness. I get that things were so much more dramatic when I was younger but I have changed dramatically in the past 5 years. What made such a big difference in my life in my 20s seems so childish and foolish in my 30s. Most of my friends are in their 30s and 40s and I just find it ridiculously immature for people to harp on the dumbest issues in life.

I feel so blessed to have so much in life. Most people around me live a good life and although I'm sure we can all find things to complain about (myself included) or wish for more from life (I know I do), you have to agree that most of us live a very good/comfortable/happy life. There are people that suffer through uncontrollable circumstances disease, disaster, death and can do nothing but accept the hand God has dealt them. Somehow complaining about what one person said to another or who did/didn't invite you or who does/doesn't like you just seems so damn trivial. I'm reminding myself today of the things and people that matter and the drama and gossip that doesn't. I can feel good about myself at the end of the day knowing that I'm a good person and have done nothing malicious or selfish and only wish the best for everyone around me. Even though I get sidetracked and bothered by the drama of life, I constantly try and remind myself of what really counts! I hope others will do that same too : )

So much to say ... so little time

2011-04-15T17:00:00.000-04:00

I miss writing!! I have been a SAHM (Stay at home mom) for almost 1 1/2 years now and as much as I LOVE being home with my child, I'm starting to miss using my brain for more "adult" things (people had warned me about this, I guess it just took me a lot longer than most others to get there). If anything, my idle brain has started to produce more thoughts than ever (who knew that was even possible). Feel like I have so much to say and so much that I want to do but time has become a rarer commodity than ever before. Hoping, now that my baby is not such a baby anymore, I can start to put these thoughts on paper (or the web) again :)

Happy Friday Everyone. Beautiful day in DC today which we spent in Chinatown which seemed more like Linetown today courtesy of the Living Social $1 lunch specials. Every restaurant in DC seemed to have a line out the door and around the corner.

Girl's night last night, another girl's night tonight. Easter egg hunt tomorrow followed by some much needed family time (as in me, hubby & baby), followed by some very annoying house hunt (looking for a house in the DC area is like pulling hair from your upper lip one by one .... lol .... don't ask me why thats the comparison I came up with).

Until next time ... buh-bye (as my baby would say)!!!!

One man's annoying is another man's .... best friend???

2011-04-15T16:44:00.000-04:00

I know we all know people that we think are annoying. Whether its someone who is overly dramatic (like beyond bollywood dramatic), persistent whiners (suffering from the Poor Me syndrome every day), the idle gossip (only capable of talking about other people's lives) or the eternal cheapskate (pinching pennies on $200 bills). I know I have a few people I've encountered that I find to be extremely annoying and that I could really do without having them in my life. What's interesting however is seeing how people that I find to be eye sores could be the apple of someone else's eye. Especially when those people happen to be perfectly normal, seemingly cool friends of mine. Is my tolerance just very low or do people just have different personalities around different individuals. I mean maybe I'm doing something to bring out the worst in these "annoying" friends or maybe they just want to do things to get a rise out of me every time. Otherwise how is it possible that what I (and apparently most people around me) see in these annoying beings, completely escapes other individuals? I mean, are they not seeing what the rest of us are seeing??

The Fear of Pregnancy

2010-02-23T16:33:00.000-05:00

For as long as I can remember, I was petrified at the thought of being pregnant. I never could understand how women did that for nine months, carried a little person inside them, walked around as if nothing was unusual about them and then to top it all off pushed a full size baby out their Va-jay-jays. Just the thought of it made me cringe. After I got married, every time the topic of having children came up, I found myself asking for a bit more time. I just didn't feel ready to go through this. To experience such pain for 9 months and then give up my life for the 18 years after that.

The quickest way to get over that was a surprise conception. Yep, I was going about my life as usual and then BOOM came a delayed period and a surprise pregnancy :-O I can't express to you the shock and surprise that hit us when we realized I was pregnant, I mean I knew one day I would be but I definitely hadn't thought it would be here NOW!

A year later, here I am with a beautiful, most adorable little girl in my arms and somewhat surprised at the beauty of pregnancy. Nine months is a long time. Everything happens so gradually that you don't have to work hard in getting used to the idea of carrying a child. I still remember the first time I heard my baby's heartbeat, words cannot describe the feeling you get when you hear that fast sound of a tiny beating heart. Its the first realization that there is a life growing inside you. A truly incredible and memorable experience. Then the first time I saw my baby on ultrasound, it blew me away even more. The tiny little head, hands, feet and torso, it is indescribable how amazing it feels to see the image of your child and realize what is happening inside you.

I can honestly say today, I loved being pregnant. Despite the morning sickness, physical pain and sleepless nights (and boy did I have plenty of those), it was a warm and emotionally enriching experience. People were extremely nice to me throughout my pregnancy. Everyone was more considerate and accommodating. My husband, family and friends were all so sweet. I felt incredibly loved and cared for throughout. There is a genuine kindness that automatically occurs when people see a pregnant woman. It was really amazing to see so much love and affection. It kept me happy throughout the 8 months (you don't find out about your pregnancy till at least a month into it).

As far as the delivery goes, it was my biggest fear. I had been to the Labor & Delivery course and let me tell you, whoever thinks you need to watch those videos to help you understand the birthing process couldn't be more WRONG. There is no reason a woman who is about to give birth needs to see what is about to happen down there. I couldn't sleep for days just worrying and wondering how in the world I would ever push a baby out, the way I had seen in those videos.

When my labor started, the contractions were quite painful (probably more painful than any cramp you've ever experienced) but once I got the epidural it was significantly bearable. I felt like I was floating. The anticipation was growing and the whole waiting period was well spent with both our families. I highly recommend having family/friends around during labor. It made time fly and seeing their anxiousness was quite endearing.

Pushing was quite exhausting, especially when you do it for almost 2 hours :D However, seeing my husband's face as he held my hand, seeing the excitement in his eyes as he saw our baby's head helped me with the process tremendously.

Nothing in your whole life will compare to the feeling you get from holding your child in your arm. Seeing and hearing your baby for the first time is the most emotionally fulfilling experience in the world. You can hear about other people's experiences all you want but no one can really explain to you how wonderful it feels to see your child, a tiny little life that you brought into this world.

I can now see why they say a woman feels complete after childbirth. It is emotionally, physically and mentally the most intense process you will ever go through but the rewards are simply priceless. We stare at her in awe every day and are amazed at how we created this incredibly wonderful and precious little person. I can say with full sincerity, I would do it all over again :)

Hello 2010

2010-01-30T19:54:00.003-05:00

Wow, 2009 flew by in a blink of an eye. It has been one of the most important years of my life. I acquired my most prized possession last year, my daughter :) It has been a wonderful journey and I can't wait to blog about it more. For now just saying Happy New Year!!! (Atleast its still January)

I miss writing. Hope to write a lot more this year!!

Hey Baby!!

2009-10-19T01:02:00.002-04:00

My life changed in a flash in Spring of 2009. One day I was planning the whole summer out and the next minute I was canceling all those plans. We had decided to start trying for a baby in fall of 2009. Figured that gave us enough time to do all the traveling and other adventures we had hoped to finish before it was baby time. Somehow thats not what life had in store for us. The baby time came without notice and without permission. I still remember the day I took the test and then showed it to my husband. We stood there, staring at each other in shock, unsure which way to react. On one hand we were not quite certain that we were ready for this. On the other hand it was a blessing we had hoped for just a few months earlier than expected. Once the initial shock was over and we finally accepted our destiny, I couldn't believe it, I was going to be a Mom!

Now, sitting here just weeks away from my due date, I can't believe how fast these last 7+ months have passed by. It has been quite a journey: the sickness, the scares, the worries, the adjustments. Planning for a baby is not as easy as I had thought. Then again, its not as hard as I had expected either. Its a gradual process for a reason. I think its God's way of getting us used to the idea of such an enormous undertaking. The millions of things you need to do to plan for a little life, its just unbelievable. How can one tiny human being require so much from you? This little person, my child, my baby, I'm responsible for a life inside of me. It truly is surreal and unlike anything I've ever experienced before. As hard as the initial stages were, I am really amazed at how 9 months can produce a whole new life.

I am so anxious to meet this baby, so apprehensive for so much of what is unknown to me at this point, so thankful for all the help and support I have had through this process and so curious to see what life will be like after a permanent change like this. At this point I just hope it all works out well, the baby comes out healthy, I can recover and normalize quickly and most of all I do everything I'm supposed to do for this child in the best way possible.

Wish me luck! Hope I pass this test, one of the biggest of my life!

What a year ... already!!!!

2009-01-22T13:30:00.006-05:00

Exciting, Exhilarating, Encouraging!!!!!!

Slumdog Millionaire has put India on the map like none other scoring 4/4 wins at the Golden Globes and 10 Nominations at the Oscars.

Obama has taken Oath of Office, twice, for the President of the United States - First African American President EVER!!!

An Indian has been offered the position of the US Surgeon General and another is about to be offered the position of Federal CTO (I hope its the one I know ... GO VK!!!!).

Ghajini has made Indian Box office history by crossing the 2 Crore mark within 2 weeks.

Shahrukh Khan has made history by appearing on the Golden Globes.

Amitabh Bachchan has made history with his Blogging.

Oprah has finally made it to DC to see me (yeah right).

I have made history by Snowboarding for the first time in my life (OK so none of you really care about that but me) :D

I'm sure there are a dozen other things that have happened but I've only listed things that are close to my heart, Bollywood & DC.

On a more serious note, I was at the center of the Earth this week, Washington DC!!!! There are not enough words in the dictionary to allow me to explain to you what a great sense of unity, love, and hope was felt all around town. A sea of people is what you saw everywhere and a crowd of hopefuls flooded the city. Everywhere I looked I saw happiness on everyone's face. It was a time like no other, given that only the future will tell what change will occur, the fact that everyone now has hope and the desire to see change can only lead us to a place far better than what we've seen so far in this century. So keep up the hope people and make atleast one change in your life this year.

YES WE CAN!!!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You God!!!!

2008-11-26T12:06:00.003-05:00

There's so much in life we take for granted. In our busy lives, its so hard to stop and be thankful for what we have as we chase after everything in the world we want. This year personally for me has been a year of introspection. As I reflect on my life today I just wanted to thank God for all that he has blessed me with. I have parents that are unbelievably good to me, that have loved me more unconditionally than perhaps even I could ever have loved myself. I have a gem of a sister who is there for me through thick and thin, although younger her wisdom and strength are inspirational to me every day. I have in-laws that treat me more like a daughter than a daughter-in-law and care for me more than I could have ever imagined. I have friends that I can share my happiness and sadness with and count on to be there for me any time of the day, without question. Most importantly I have a husband who is truly a blessing from God. He has saved me in every way possible, taught me so much in just a few years, loved me like no other and embraced me with a wide open heart. I definitely must have done something good in my previous life to deserve being surrounded by such good people. I have health, wealth (ok so its a small one), a great job (especially in this economy), a great home (finally a place to permanently call home), and everything else I could really need in life. If I tried, I'm sure I could find things to complain about but in reality I have a happy, healthy family that is very close to me and its all that I would ask for if there is just one thing I could have in life.

Thank you God for blessing me with the most important things in life. I am truly greatful for all that life has brought my way: every person, every experience, every challenge and every comfort :)

A very Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!!!!

Uncertainties

2008-09-08T17:05:00.003-04:00

I miss the uncertainties in life. Given life is never definite but after a given time, things get determined and most pieces of your life fall into place. Things may change occasionally or even more than occasionally but a lot is well defined. I miss the fear, anxiety, curiosity and change that were such a constant part of my life growing up. May just be because I'm bored today and absolutely in NO MOOD to work or perhaps because I have forgotten all the hardships that come with uncertainties. There is a great amount of satisfaction in having all your life's pieces fall into place and a great amount of security in stability. Love, family, money and friends .... what more do you need from life? I do miss the drive though, I think its time to push the envelope and push myself harder.

Why do they do it?

2008-08-18T13:49:00.003-04:00

Its hard enough to make it through all that life brings your way. Whether its work or family, friends or money, body image or relationships, there are constant stress factors that you have to cope with in life. What would life really be without these anyway? If you are ambitious and intelligent, you thrive on these challenges and work hard to make a place for yourself in every possible way. You can handle pretty much anything life throws your way. You can make smart decisions without much trouble about everything except for the one factor that seems to be the weak nerve of every girl I know, MEN! You can excel at work, be the star among your friends, exceed your family's expectations but never succeed in your relationships. Why is it always so hard for some girls? Really, should it be? All relationships are hard work but none should be so challenging that it takes a toll on every other aspect of you life and brings you down overall. Every relationship should bring something new to light and be a positive addition in your life.

I have several friends who are attractive, intelligent and highly ambitious women. Cultured, charming and the complete package, they have everything to be proud of and lots to look forward to in life. The only thing they don't seem to have, is that perfect relationship with the loving, caring guy that they can take to the parents and hopefully settle down with someday soon. The more they struggle with this, the more desperate they tend to get in their need for "making it work". They try to go out of their way in accommodating the guy's needs, becoming who they think is the person their boyfriend would want them to be. Changing their personalities, friends, goals, sometimes their whole lives, in hopes that they would become the "one" for their significant others. What happens as a result is quite shocking to these girls. The guys find them overbearing, less appealing and more annoying by the day. The smothering suffocates the men and they tend to wanna run away. This in turn makes the girls chase harder after the men. As they see them slipping through their fingers, they want to hold on tighter to any shred of the dying relationship that they can. I suppose they feel like they can make the guys love them if the guys could just see how great these girls truly are. Does that ever work? Can you really make someone like you? Can you really change yourself to become what you think a guy might want in the perfect wife?

From what I've seen, this usually starts a bad cycle of makeups and breakups. The guy breaks up because he doesn't think she's the "one", the girl cries her way back into a makeup. If the girl does happen to walk away from the relationship, she is generally pulled back into it by the guy who would still like to be "friends" and the glimmer of hope in their own minds of seeing this relationship work. The guy realizes once again shortly thereafter that this girl is not the "one" and the cycle goes on. The worst part is the judgments of the people who see this from the outside and all they can see is the poor guy who is trying to do the right thing and the pathetic girl who keeps running after the "poor" guy who was only trying to prevent her from getting hurt. But how do you explain this to someone who is completely blinded by her love for the guy, who in person gets to hear how much the guy really loves her but just needs "time", who gives into her emotional side for all the time that was invested in this one guy?

They get treated like crap, never get acknowledged in public, lose all self respect and are constantly struggling with finding their place in a relationship then why, why do girls still stay in them?

Be happy for others

2008-07-31T14:07:00.003-04:00

I read a blog recently that talked about how people find a secret satisfaction in seeing others fail, especially if those people happen to be your competitors. Whether its your friends or co-workers or family members, if they are comparable to you in any way and they do better than you at something it causes a person to feel jealous. I suppose its hard to watch someone else do better than you.

But does feeling good about other's failures not reflect on your own status? If you are happy with your life, would you really feel the need to be unhappy about other's good fortune or feel good about other's misfortune? How does that alter your own life? What difference does it really make to you? If someone else is dumber than you, it might make you feel smarter in the moment but in the long run it would only limit your intelligence. If someone else is poorer than you, it might make you feel rich in comparison but your actual wealth would not change. If someone else is uglier than you, you might feel prettier when you are around them but what happens when you are out among others?

I know its human nature to want the best for yourself, to have that slight competitive spirit, to want to do better than others and succeed in all your endeavors. There is nothing wrong with that but if you focus more on your personal goals & satisfaction versus gauging your success by constant comparison to others, wouldn't you come out happier? When I see my friends and family succeed, I'm genuinely happy for them. I feel proud of the fact that they are in my life. I love to be happy for other's happiness. Everyone deserves a little bliss and joy multiplies with people. I hope people can put aside their own agendas from time to time and enjoy the happiness in being happy for others :)

DON'T WORRY! BE HAPPY!

Great News

2008-07-23T09:28:00.009-04:00

One of my blog posts recently got selected for the Intentblog Weekly Intents. This blog has contributors like Deepak Chopra, Shekhar Kapur, Guru Pitka aka Mike Meyers, and even some Bollywood stars. Check it out!!!!

Life has a strange way of working itself out!

2008-07-10T10:05:00.005-04:00

Recently I went through an experience that I wish no one EVER has to go through. It was tough, very very tough. It was incredibly life altering, literally shook me up inside out. Life brings stuff your way sometimes that is not exactly what you ever imagined for yourself, even in your wildest dreams. This was one of those incidents, where I couldn't believe I was going through it. ME, little old ME? I didn't know where to go from there. I was so lost and confused and hurt and shocked, I didn't know how to move past it. I could barely understand it, let alone accept it. Why ME? How ME? Who? ..... ME?

It took me days to absorb it. Its taking me weeks to accept it, I'm not sure I've still fully accepted it. The funny thing is, in a really strange way, it turned out to be something that made me look at myself deeper than I had ever tried before. I paused, in my super fast-paced speedy life, I HAD to pause. I had to take another look at where I was headed. I had to rethink everything that I was doing and think about what I needed to prioritize.

People say "Everything happens for a reason". We've all been told that, several times, haven't we? Such a cliche' yet somehow so true. Whether we like it in the moment or not, where life takes us from the worst possible places is truly surprising. I mean, when you're at the lowest of lows there's only one way to go from there and that is UP. I was moving so fast and doing so much in life without really thinking about whether it was right for me or not. So this little incident of mine made me focus on things that I should've been focusing on to begin with. It halted my stride in the wrong direction and put me on the right path. It was at a high cost but you know what, in the end, it lead me to the right direction for my life and I can only hope that this would be a positively life changing event.

It really was so hard for me to cope with but in a weird way I'm glad I was pulled back and forced to reassess my life and fix what needed to be fixed. So next time you hear "Everything happens for a reason" try and let some time pass, re-evaluate your life and see what positive difference a negative event in your life can make :)

Judgement

2008-07-07T09:41:00.003-04:00

It is so easy for us to judge people. When you're outside, looking in at someone, its so easy to say what they should or shouldn't be doing. If someone's immature or annoying or dillusional, we are so quick to judge and deliver our verdict on their behaviors. When that same judgement is made about us, its hard to accept. How could people misunderstand what you are doing or make conclusions about you without knowing the full story? But isn't that what we do to others? I admit, quite often I'm quick to judge and form my opinions about people based on just a few minutes spent with them. I have to remind myself that I don't know the person nor their life story or even their current circumstances to really be able to conclude my analysis of their personality. Nothing is ever as it seems. People are multidimensional. You can't just look at them under one light and assume thats how they are all the time. There is usually a rhyme and reason for everything and until you know the full story, you really should try to hold back. Just a small reminder to be kind and rewind your opinions of others that you were perhaps too quick to judge. And by you I really just mean me :)

He's Just Not That Into You

2008-06-09T15:51:00.007-04:00

Last week I saw the trailer for an upcoming film "He's Just Not That Into You " starring Jennifer Aniston. Can't WAIT to see it! I read the book few years back and girls if you haven't read it yet, you absolutely MUST. It is amazing on so many levels. It is hysterically accurate! This book basically talks about how women rationalize in every way possible why guys act the way that they do. Its the simple solution to every single woman's post date exaggerated drama. It simplifies what most women often over complicate, the reason for a man's actions. If a guy isn't calling, if he isn't treating you the way he should, if he is playing games or being erratic, its not for the many reasons that women conjure up, its really just a lack of interest on his part in being with you. I can't tell you how many times I've been there and done that. Thought and over thought every reason to solve the mystery that is man. Every girl I know, seems to do this, endlessly. How can you get away from the simple fact that a person could not be intersted in you? It makes so much more sense to think of all the emotional baggage, to blame the ex-girlfriends or the influence of male friends. The parental pressures and a stressful lifestyle are so much easier to blame than the mere fact that you are not as interesting to a guy. I think this book should be mandatory reading in all high schools. So go watch the movie and definitely READ THE BOOK :)

Here's Chapter 1 from 'He's Just Not That Into You'
By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out
Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out

Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.

Now you begin the life-changing experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and questions we've been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you're lucky, you'll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses that women have made for their unsatisfying situations. If you're not so lucky, we've also included handy titles to clue you in.

The "Maybe He Doesn't Want to Ruin the Friendship" Excuse

Dear Greg,
I'm so disappointed. I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?
Jodi

Dear Friendly Girl,
Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster — but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "(expletive) buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.

I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves — we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of — and I say this with a lot of love — is how not attracted to you he is.

The "Maybe He's Intimidated by Me" Excuse

Dear Greg,
I have a crush on my gardener. He's been potting the plants on my patio. It was hot, I saw him without his shirt on, he was hot, and now I'm hot for him. I brought out some beers and we talked. I think he wants to ask me out but is afraid, because he is my hired man. In this situation, can't I ask him out?
Cherie

Dear My Secret Garden,
He's capable of asking you out. Haven't you ever seen a porno? Hope he gets there before the pizza guy. But seriously, if he didn't pick up the vibe after the beer garden, it has nothing to do with you being his big boss lady. Time to stop and smell the bad news: He's just not that into you.

Let me say it again, sexual harassment rules and workplace memos notwithstanding, a guy will ask out a woman of higher status if he's into her. He might need a little more encouragement than normal, I'll give you that. You might have to lead Johnny the Office Boy or Phillipe the Exterminator to water, but you better not help him ask you out. Once again, ladies, a wink and a smile will do it.

By the way, why are you dating the exterminator?
Just kidding, he's a good guy.

The "Maybe He Wants to Take It Slow" Excuse

Dear Greg,
There's this guy who calls me all the time. He's recently divorced, and in AA. We got back in touch recently, had lots of phone calls, and then hung out twice in one week and it was real cool. No flirting or making out or anything, but fun. Since then, he calls me all the time but doesn't ever suggest we see each other in person again. It's like he got scared or something. I would understand if because of the divorce/alcoholic/starting-a-whole-new-life stuff he wanted to take things slow. But he still calls me all the time to have long heart-to-heart talks. What the hell should I do with this guy?
Jen

Dear Pillow Talk,
Sadly, not wanting to see you in person is massive as far as dating obstacles go. And as far as the recently divorced/newly sober/starting-a-new-life parts, blah blah blah, I'm getting sleepy, it's hot, I'm going down for a nap. When I wake up from that nap I'll probably thrill to the news that your friend is taking control of his life. You, however, will still not be going on a date, because despite all your excuses for him, he's still not asking you out. Now, if you're a person who enjoys a slightly satisfying phone relationship, talk on! But at this point it seems like he's just not that into you. Be his friend if you're at all interested on that level, but move your romantic inclinations onto a more suitable future husband.

If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won't keep you guessing, because he'll want to make sure you don't get frustrated and go away.

The "But He Gave Me His Number" Excuse

Dear Greg,
I met a really cute guy at a bar this week. He gave me his number and told me to give him a call sometime. I thought that was kind of cool, that he gave me control of the situation like that. I can call him, right?
Lauren

Dear Control Freak,
Did he give you control, or did he just get you to do the heavy lifting? What he just did was a magic trick: It seems like he gave you control, but really he now gets to decide if he wants to go out with you — or even return your call. Why don't you take Copperfield's number, roll it in a newspaper, pour milk in it, and make it disappear.

"Give me a call." "E-mail me." "Tell Joey we should all hang out sometime." Don't let him trick you into asking him out. When men want you, they do the work. I know it sounds old school, but when men like women, they ask them out.

The "Maybe He Forgot to Remember Me" Excuse

Dear Greg,
Okay, Greg. Listen to this one: I was at a conference for work and met a guy from another branch of my company. We hit it off immediately. He was just about to ask for my number, I swear, when the Big Blackout of 2003 happened. In the mayhem, I didn't get to give him my number. I think the Big Blackout of 2003 is a good enough excuse to call him, don't you think? It's only common courtesy for me to check up on him, right? If I don't call, he's probably going to be all sad thinking that I'm just not that into him.
Judy

Dear Judy Blackout,
The city blacked out. He didn't. You said you work for different branches of the same company. Certainly he wouldn't have to break a sweat to scroll through the company staff roster or interoffice e-mail listing to find you. And should he not be as resourceful as you are...I imagine that he has a mother, sister, or female friend that could show him how, if he was really interested.

P.S.: Shame on you for using an eastern seaboard disaster as an excuse to call a guy up.
Have faith. You made an impression. Leave it at that. If he likes you, he'll still remember you after the tsunami, flood, or Red Sox loss. If he doesn't, he's not worth your time. Know why? You are great. (Now, don't get cocky.)

The "Maybe I Don't Want to Play Games" Excuse

Dear Greg,
This is dumb. I know you're not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don't care! I don't want to play games. I do whatever I want! I've called guys tons of times. You're such a square, Greg. Why do you think we can't call guys and ask them out?
Nikki

Dear Nikki,
Because we don't like it. Okay, some guys might like it, but they're just lazy. And who wants to go out with Lazy Guy? It's that simple. I didn't make the rules and I might not even agree with them. Please don't be mad at me, Nikki. I'm not advocating that women go back to the Stone Age. I just think you might want to be realistic in how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.

Or maybe you're the chosen one.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. We know there was a sexual revolution. (We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, and raising loving children — sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn't make men different.

IT'S SO SIMPLE
Imagine right now that I'm leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I'm on my knees pleading with you. I'm saying this in a loud voice: "Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be." I know it's an infuriating concept — that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you're one of the nine, ladies!) I can't say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out.

HERE'S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD, by Liz
Well, it's obvious. Are you telling us that we have to just sit around and wait? I don't know about you, but I find that infuriating. I was brought up to believe that hard work and good planning are the keys to making your dreams come true. I spent my life making things happen for myself. I worked hard for my career, and was quite aggressive about it. I called people, made appointments, asked for favors. I took action. But now Greg is telling us that in this situation, we are supposed to do absolutely nothing. The guys get to pick. We're just supposed to put on our little dresses and do our hair and bat our eyes and hope they choose us. Why don't you just tie my corset too tight so I can faint in front of some man who'll scoop me out of the way just before the horse-drawn carriage runs over me? That'll get his attention.

Really, in this day and age, the hardest thing to do for many women, particularly me, is nothing. We like to scheme, make phone calls, have a plan. And I'm talking about more than just making sure our hair doesn't frizz. Most women who date, I would guess, don't have men throwing themselves at them every night of the week. Sometimes there's a long stretch during which nobody's asking us out. So when we see a guy that we feel might be a romantic possibility, it's even harder for us to take a backseat. That opportunity might not come back again for a long time.

But guess what: My way? Has sucked. Hasn't worked at all. I've never had a successful relationship with a guy that I've pursued. I'm sure there are many stories out there to the contrary. But for me, those guys end up getting back together with their ex-girlfriend, needing to take some time for themselves, or going out of town for business. Usually it doesn't even get that far. They usually just don't ever return my phone call. And let me tell you, that didn't make me feel very in control of anything.

Since I've been implementing Greg's handy-dandy "he's just not that into you" philosophy, I've been feeling surprisingly more powerful. Because if the men are asking you out, if the men have to get your attention, then you, in fact, are the one in control. There's no scheming and plotting. And there is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask us out. We're fantastic.

THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE, by Greg
One night I was drinking in a bar and flirting with the bartender. I asked for her number. She said, "I don't give out my phone number because guys rarely call me when they say they're going to. My name is Lindsey Adams, and if you want to call me, find my phone number." Which I did — the very next day. Do you know how many Lindsey Adams there are in the phone book of a major city? Let's just say I talked to about eight or nine before I found mine.
An actor we work with met a girl while he was making a public appearance on an aircraft carrier. He lost track of her in about ten minutes. And yet, because he was so smitten, he somehow managed to track her down in the army, and they are now married.

GREG, I GET IT! By Leslie, age 29
Greg! I get it. I went to this party and I met this guy. We started talking immediately by ourselves, off in a corner. He asked if I was single and seemed pleased when I said I was. Whenever we split up to talk to other people, or to get drinks or whatever, he always kept his eye on me. It was really cool. I was all excited and fluttery with that "Oh my God, I think I just met someone!" feeling. He didn't ask for my number, but we know lots of people in common, so I thought he was just playing it cool. He never called me! And you know what? Normally I would call our mutual friends and start fishing and trying to figure out what happened and maybe try to find another way to see him again. But instead, I'm just going to move on! Who cares what his deal is. He's not asking me out, so why should I start obsessing over him? I'm just going to go out tonight and try to meet someone else.

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE GREG
We did an incredibly unscientific poll where we polled twenty of our male friends (ranging from ages twenty-six to forty-five), who are in serious long-term relationships. Not one of their relationships started with the woman asking them out first. One guy even said that if she had, "It would have spoiled all the fun."

What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
• An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of "ruining the friendship."
• Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking.
• If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
• Just because you like to lead doesn't mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.
• "Hey, let's meet at so-and-so's party/any bar/friend's house" is not a date. Even if you live in New York.
• Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.
• You are good enough to be asked out.

Our Super-Good Really Helpful Workbook
Hey, what's a self-help tome without a workbook? Our chapters will all be so brave and wise that we want to make sure you retain as much of the brilliance as you can. So for all of you who feel the need to get out of your problems and into your crayon box, have at it.

Love,
Greg and Liz

Remember in grade school how they told you not to write in your textbooks? Screw that! Grab a pen and list five reasons why you think you have every right or good reason to call him.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Put the book aside and wait an hour. Or at least ten minutes. Then ask yourself: Do I seem pathetic? Do I sound like someone who doesn't trust my own innate hotness? Yes,you do! Now put your dialing finger away, get out of the house, and go find some fun.

P.S.: You just did a workbook exercise about a guy who hasn't even extended to you the energy of a phone call. Why would you want to chase that down?

Text copyright © 2004 by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

Recount

2008-05-27T13:36:00.004-04:00

Watched the HBO special movie, Recount, last night. Its about the Florida vote recount battle between Bush & Gore during the 2000 elections. They show how the possibility for error was so high and legal battles so tough that it really could have been anyone's win. Damn it ... why did Bush have to end up being the luckier one. Really makes you wonder how things work in our country. Politics is dirty business but its so complicated. This whole Obama & Hillary battle is scaring me. I really just want someone capable with the public's best interest at heart to take office this time around. I hate this ongoing war and weakening economy. We are supposed to be the best nation in the world and here we are ... most hated, least powerful and divided amongst ourselves. Someone do something to make it all RIGHT!

(in)secure

2008-05-19T01:23:00.003-04:00

Growing up she was always the ugly duckling, one that could never quite turn into a swan. She tried and tried but was unable to make herself feel beautiful. She fought with her insecurities all her life. No matter how well she was doing in every aspect of her life, she failed to see the good fortune she had acquired.

Insecurities can make a person feel like someone completely different. It can make you lose yourself and prevent you from loving all that's great about your life. It can keep you from enjoying life to the fullest and appreciating all the good things God's bestowed upon you.

Everyone feels insecure at some point but its important to not let yourself dissolve in that. Try and keep your head up and learn to survive the low points of your life. Life truly is a gift and I hope people can enjoy all that is so great about it.

Personal Year Predictions

2008-05-14T14:32:00.002-04:00

I'm not a huge believer in astrology or numerology or horoscopes but its always fun to read them. Just found out my Personal year predictions so thought I'd share with the world :)

Personal Year 5:
Independence, Freedom, Connecting To Others

This year positive opportunities may present themselves on all fronts. Many of the obstacles from previous years seem to slip away. Your hard work is rewarded with more personal freedom and a break from restrictive routines. Travel, adventure or additional education might be part of the overall picture. This year is also good for pursuing new employment opportunities or making new friends. You could also change residence. A drawback of this year is that it can make you feel like not working much or bring a tendency to shirk responsibility.

To tell or not to tell??

2008-05-14T13:10:00.006-04:00

My friend Meena recently told me some juicy gossip about our friend Deena. I'm pretty sure she wasn't supposed to tell me all that she did but she just couldn't help it. In the flow of our conversation she ended up spilling all the wrong beans. Her boyfriend was probably very shocked and quite unhappy about the fact that she had done so. Afterall, what if I went back and told Deena what Meena had said about her? But to my friend Meena this hadn't occurred, that is, until she saw Deena the next time. She felt like Deena was ignoring her or somehow being different. Now, I never went and told Deena anything so I know that there is a good chance Deena is just being normal but guilt has made Meena extremely paranoid and so it finally hit her. Perhaps spilling the beans on our good friend Deena wasn't such a good idea after all.

We have all been in this situation before. As funny as it was watching Meena, I realized that I have probably felt that paranoia at some point in my life. It is so hard to withhold information and so tough not to just add your 2 cents when talking about other people. Especially when you know stuff that no one else does. I've learned my lesson in the past so these days I refrain from sharing any information I might know that others don't. I have always been the kind pf person that says things behind people's backs that they could say to their faces but sometimes you end up saying stuff you might not want to say to any one's face. Now, however, I think its best just to mind your own business and only share information that others already know. This way you avoid the paranoia that can truly torture you time and time again.

Single in your Thirties

2008-04-24T14:57:00.004-04:00

If there is one thing most single desi girls fear, its being unmarried on their 30th birthday. In a culture where marriage is the single most important part of a woman's life, there is probably nothing worse in the eye's of society than a girl who was unable to marry at a decent age. Never mind that your older brother is on his 15th girlfriend, or your friends are all single or that there are no qualified men you have come across in over 2 years, all that matters is that you were unable to find a desi guy who you could marry before you get too old.

Our parents blame our "pickiness" or "american influences" for this "mess" we have become. According to them, if we were in India, we wouldn't even have had a choice in the matter of marriage even though all my cousins picked their own spouses and most of them didn't marry till their late twenties or early thirties. Arranged marriages are a thing of the past, especially in most modern cities in India. Women these days are smarter, more educated, more aware and definitely more independent than they used to be. They don't rely on men for financial or sometimes even emotional support any more. Most are very capable of taking care of themselves and extremely career oriented. Their sole purpose in life is not to manage the household or be the perfect wife or support their husband's goals, they have their own dreams and aspirations to attain.

This pickiness that our parents complain about is mostly due to our inability in finding men that can keep up with us or match us every step of the way. I'm not trying to say that women are better than men or anything of the sort. I'm just saying both parties should think long and hard about a decision that is sure to affect not just their future but also that of their families. Why would you want to settle down with someone that you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with simply due to a time constraint? Why would you want to rush into things and get into a marriage that is based on uncertainty? Marriage is not a game of roulette where you can take a chance of betting on a number and hope to get lucky. Its a process that requires a lot of thought, understanding and strong commitment from both parties involved.

When is the right age to get married, how to figure out if some one's right for you ... these are all questions I will address in future blogs but today I really want to focus on girls my age that are crumbling under family pressure. Many of my friends who are fast approaching their 30th birthday recently contacted me about setting them up with available men I might know. They are feeling the pressure and in a rush to make the deadline. It is the saddest thing I have ever seen. Given that I'm not single and probably not as capable of understanding the pressure they must be feeling but I feel terrible about the fact that they have to force themselves into making the most important decision of their lives simply due to parental misconceptions. They can't just let life take its course and let events happen when timing is right for them. They have to follow predetermined time lines and make the deadlines based on what others think is appropriate for them.

When I was single I loved the fact that I could embrace it. I loved being single and at times thought I would never get married. I just couldn't imagine meeting a guy that would be right for me, one that I could willingly and happily spend the rest of my life with. But I met him, I fell in love, I got married and I now have this amazing person in my life who, in my opinion, is the best husband in the world. I wish the same for all my single friends. I want them to find love. I want them to meet a guy that will love them for who they are. I want them to marry someone who will respect their goals in life and help them fulfil all their lifelong dreams. I wish the friends and families would lay off and let these girls live their lives based on timing thats right for them not to settle for whats available right now.

My new blog

2008-04-14T11:00:00.005-04:00

A book I was reading last night inspired me to create a new blog. I felt so touched and emotional by this book's character that it made me want to do something about it. I realize that I am extremely fortunate to have everything I have in my life: family, friends, home, health, wealth, love, education. freedom. There are people in this world that struggle to make ends meet, that deal with one hardship after another, that face challenges beyond their control. I wanted to create this blog to say my prayers for them everyday. Some day soon I hope to create my own Big Give or Pay it forward scheme but for now I want to spend a few moments a day thinking about those that are much less fortunate.

So check it out at http://myprayersfortheworld.blogspot.com/ and if you can find the time be sure to say a prayer of your own for someone that may have touched your heart.

=)

Television Addicts Anonymous

2008-04-10T12:24:00.004-04:00

I am addicted to TV. I can seriously spend a whole week watching TV nonstop, only getting up for quick breaks to the bathroom or for replenishing my food supply. Isn't that just insane? I mean I know its such a royal waste of time but its the one thing my A.D.D. mind can truly unwind to. I can't even fall asleep unless the TV is on and the noise of Nick at Nite works like a soothing lullaby helping me doze off.

TIVO has only made this addiction worse. Before DVR I would miss all my favorite shows, since I was never home for any of them, and not care because there was no other option. Now, knowing that I can save any show I would want to watch and have it at my dispense 24x7, makes for a long list of pointless shows that I find myself watching every free moment that I can get. I stay up waaaay past what should be my bedtime, simply because I can't resist the urge to watch that extra episode of some stupid show that i would otherwise not even know exists. Serious waste of my precious time!!!

But TV has taught me sooooo much!!! It has taught me about the culture of a country I was so new to and knew nothing about 16 years ago (given that my high school was not quite like the one in Saved by the Bell or 90210). It has taught me about drama that I thought only existed in Bollywood movies & shows. It has taught me about the Fabulous life of so many celebrities I would have never known (just more to add to things I need to buy someday that will probably not make much difference in my life except giving me the sheer joy of knowing I can afford outrageous expenses). It has taught me ways I can redo my house or cook gourmet meals (all right fine so I've never moved a table in the house but at least I know the option is there and I did use a cup once to mold rice, restaurant style, in a nice circle for my in-laws first dinner at our place ... presentation is everything). It has taught me how the universe came to be and how it may someday not be (don't you just love National Geographic & History Channels ... yes ... I do watch those sometimes). It has kept me up to date on every move Britney Spears and the American Economy have made. TV has shown me how people really live on the Hills, Big Brother, America's next top model, the Newlyweds and the Real Housewives & how they should live on the Gossip Girl, Brothers & Sisters, Hot Shots, Sex and the city, Lipstick Jungle and Desperate Housewives.

I would know nothing today if it wasn't for TV. So I think its perfectly OK for me to spend the amount of hours (the exact number shall remain undisclosed) on my favorite pass time, the wonderful world of Television.

Sense of time

2008-04-02T11:16:00.005-04:00

These days I feel like I have no sense of time, or perhaps it was like this before and I just never realized it. When I see my friends it feels like I just saw them yesterday when in reality I haven't seen them in 3-4-5 months (maybe I just didn't miss them that much *haw* or maybe these past few months have flown by). I thought my 3 year anniversary was coming up but I haven't even passed the 2 year mark yet. I've been in this city for a few years but it feels like a lifetime, Can't even imagine not having lived here. What did I ever do before moving here?

Looking back I think about some of the significant events in my life: birthdays, relationships, graduations, jobs, moves, etc. Its almost surreal to me that I experienced those at some point in my life. I feel so distant from some of these events, which could also be a result of major memory loss thanks to gallons of alcohol consumption over the years. Its almost as if I am remembering scenes from some movie I saw many years ago instead of having lived through those times myself. Clearly it was me; celebrating those birthdays, going through the relationships, working on my class projects, changing jobs every 2 years, moving to new cities every few years; definitely me that lived through it. Then why does it feel like someone else's life. Have I changed that much?

I don't know if its good or bad but time seems to be passing me by faster then I had ever imagined. I need to remind myself to take a breather and reflect on life in order to appreciate all the good and bad that has made this life sucha fun adventure so far.

Gossip Girl or Gossip Guy?

2008-04-02T11:08:00.004-04:00

Girls were, are and probably always will be considered the town gossips. Possibly somewhat true! Boys on the other hand are just perfect, they don't ever stick their noses where they don't belong, they never care about anyone else's business and always just mind their own. SO FALSE!!!!!

I was at a dinner party recently where the guys seemed to be doing more of the gossip than the girls. Here we were, having conversations about shopping, working out, weddings, and cooking (such good lil girls), only to glance over and hear the guys discussing everyone else's business. Their conversation was full of drama, who did what to whom, what someone shouldn't have done, how some guy got rid of his girlfriend and how another scored some with a new girl. I mean COME ON!!!! Is that not gossipping?

What's funny about this is that it is not something new. For as long as I have seen, men tend to be just as curious and judgemental about everyone else's life as women, if not more. Yet its always the women that take the blame and bad rep for being the "washington post". I think its coz men are just smarter at keeping their image clean and quick to act very nonchalant about any fingers pointed at them. Uggghhhhh .. makes me so mad to think of how chalu they are and how much they get away with.

Luck or Hard Work???

2008-03-17T22:11:00.000-04:00

You've probably heard your parents or teachers tell you throughout life to work hard and it will pay off. Give it your best shot and you will succeed. Put your heart and soul into what you want and you can have anything you set your mind to. Then there are those that swear by luck. Destiny is everything according to these believers of fate. You can only have what you are destined to have.

I look around me and think about the many people in my life that are at different phases in their careers. There are those that have done well, some that have lost their path to success and others that have succeeded beyond my wildest expectations. I have seen 25 year olds becoming Directors and Program Managers, entrepreneurs all around in their mid 20's - mid 30's, young CEO/CTO/CFOs and yet some still searching for the "perfect job".

I have a cousin that just started a company last year thats already valued at 10's of millions of dollars. A friend of mine signed a deal last year making him a millionaire for at least the next 10 years. Another friend who is making recording deals and is a millionaire before hitting 25. One whose trust fund is maturing next month and another whose kids will probably never have to work .

So is it hard work that brought them where they are or is it luck? Sure most of these people have put a lot of effort and sleepless nights into getting to where they are today. These are smart individuals with immense drives and great ambitions that lead them to success and prosperity. The trust fund babies had it all handed to them on a silver platter but they will probably spend their lives working hard in trying to maintain it. But is it just plain hard work that is solely responsible for the incredible success these people have achieved?

There are so many people that I know that are total worker bees that work above and beyond the call of duty yet they are not nearly as successful. The employees that are first in and last out yet are still awaiting promotions after doing their job well for 12 years. People that have built companies from the ground up and given it their all only to see it crumble in front of them due to freak accidents or poor economy. Classic example is of those that invested in the real estate or stock market. There are those that made millions and others that followed that lost millions. A relative of mine doubled his business thanks to a storm that hit the city next to his destroying all business in that city hence allowing my cousin to step in and take more business. I mean isn't that just pure luck? The storm could've hit his city just as easily and then he'd be outta business but instead here he is richer faster than he had expected.

I have a cousin in India who says he's just waiting for his good fortune to come. He doesn't think he has to do anything because he knows its his fate to be rich in life, his palm reader said so. He is still living with his parents and unhappily unmarried. So clearly, just luck doesn't do it.

What is it that pushes you to that next level, beyond the norm?? Is it equal amounts of luck & hard work or the "right" combination of the two? If so, how do you get to the right combination???

--Bulbuli =)

Ahhh to be so young and bold and fearless ...

2007-12-10T13:49:00.001-05:00

I was at my cousin's dance rehearsal the other night for her college holiday show. Watching all the youngen's took me down memory lane to those days, many many many years ago, when I used to practice till 4 am and bust my ass over a few dance performances that were the center of my life. It was a thrill and a rush unlike any other. So much effort and energy went into it, back then I had the stamina to pull all nighters without blinking an eye, all for the personal satisfaction and the public acclaimation that kept me on a high throughout college without ever needing drugs.

More than their performances, what caught my eye, was this naive look in their eyes .. a very fearless attitude as if they could and would conquer the world as soon as they get out of school. Everything seemed to be within their reach, everything seemed possible. They knew exactly where they were going, well .. most of them anyway, and had an exact blue print of how fabulous and incredibly successful their lives were going to be. No obstacle would ever stop them, everything was doable and achievable. There was no worry in the world ... no road block that would prevent them from doing what they want and getting to where they want.

I remember that feeling clearly, although it was many years ago, I had that same sense of unstoppable power and optimism in my head. Its funny how years later, I look back and it all seems like another lifetime. That feeling, although not completely gone, has reduced in its magnitude. That attitude has had adjustments and reality has definitely had its impact on the future and its possibilites. The endless possibilities have now been narrowed down by family, friends, relationships, marriage and responsibilities. Of course, I still strongly believe you can do anything you set your mind to and give your 110% to but priorities are different. Options are limited and selection is much tougher than it used to be.

--Bulbuli =)

Burning Bridges

2007-11-27T15:18:00.002-05:00

Moving all your life makes it so easy for you to believe that you can escape people। If you ask anyone that has moved from city to city throughout their childhood, majority of them will say that they have learned to make friends quickly but also learned to move on quickly। When you start your life in a new city, you meet new people, make new friends and build new relationships fast. You learn ways to join circles of friends that have known each other all their lives. Then when its time to move to a new place, you have to leave this fairly new set of friends, detach quickly and prep yourself for the next rotation. You can make friends or break friendships without really thinking long and hard about it. It doesn't really matter anyway since you'll most likely never see them again.

Lately however I have realized, this world is a very small place। Its one thing to run into people that live in your neighborhood, city or even state but when you start coming across people that live in other states or countries that you hadn't seen in 20 years, its a complete shock. This shock has lately become more and more of a reality for me.

I remember getting over things quickly in the past, relatively speaking. If someone hurt me or wasn't a good friend or did something to make me not want to speak to them, I would do exactly that, not speak to them without any warning or explanation or efforts for communication. It didn't really matter so much before because usually I would avoid them as much as possible and eventually just move so would never expect to see them again. Being in the the same place for a long time along with this globalization phenomenon is making me rethink this approach.

Perhaps some things are best dealt with and resolved, to whatever extent possible, immediately. That way there are no hard feelings and usually some form of closure. I tend to run from things that make me sad. The older I get, the more I don't like getting involved in the so called "drama" of life. Now that I'm beginning to settle down in what might be the last city I reside in, I'm starting to realize the importance of friendships, conflict resolutions and burning bridges. You never know who you'll see or need in the future. Its best to deal with life head on instead of ignoring it. This is very true for work relationships too. I see how important it is to make sure you leave every job without any ill feelings.

Its something I want to be able to do although I'm not very good at it. I see how burning bridges or holding grudges and not communicating or resolving conflicts will cause me pain in the future but sometimes I just hope that things will disappear or the pain will lessen over time.

--Bulbuli =)

Yeh Desh Hai Mera

2007-10-30T16:09:00.001-04:00

Growing up in India and moving here in your teenage years is an experience unlike any other. You are old enough to learn so much about the Indian culture and young enough to adapt to your new environment. I feel like its such a blessing the get to see both countries so up close and personal. You can never get the feel for either by just visiting. Whats hard though, is feeling 100% faithful to both or balancing your love for either.

Its hard to be in America and not want to be American. To live the American Dream, a life full of luxuries and minimal expectations, an "easy" lifestyle. But then there is the love for everything Indian. Food, people, fashion, culture, drama and emotions. Life would just not be right without those.

I was listening to a Bhangra song the other day that I had danced to a few years ago. The beats gave me goosebumps. I felt an emotion that is unlike anything else. This feeling of closeness to a culture that is so me regardless of how americanized my life gets. Its amazing how a small thing like a dhol beat can stir you up and shake the ground. Make you feel the love for the other part of you that is so often not as in touch.

Oh how I love thee Paris

2007-04-10T09:44:00.001-04:00

Oh how we love that Paris Hilton!!! Here is an excerpt from her book that I think is just absolutely HILARIOUS!! I've bolded some of my favorites. Obviously, don't take everything seriously but do take note of some of the things she says. Most of all ... ENJOY!

Paris Says: Here are my fail-safe instructions on how to be an heiress and live like you have a privileged life — and I am serious about them. Most of them, anyway.

MY INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO BE AN HEIRESS

1 BE BORN INTO THE RIGHT FAMILY. Choose your chromosomes wisely. This may seem like ludicrous advice, but actually it isn't. If an heiress is in control of everything, why shouldn't she be in control of who she's born to? You know how everyone always says there are no accidents? Well, I believe you choose who you're born to. And if you do have the misfortune of being born into the wrong family, remember: No one has to know. Airing family laundry is definitely a big no-no for an heiress. You can always reinvent yourself and your lineage if you have to. Half of Park Avenue and Bel Air have. Lineage can be a state of mind.

2 HAVE A GREAT NAME. If you are going to be an heiress, you can't have a normal name, unless you're British. All British people have plain names, and that works pretty well over there. But in America, you've got to have a name that stands out. I love my name. Paris is my favorite city. And Paris without the P is "heiress," isn't it? In sixth grade, people would make fun of me and call me "France" or "London." Well, I'm going to name my own daughter Paris! An heiress needs to have a glamorous — or a really cute — name. My sister Nicky's name is cute. An heiress's dog also needs to have a cute name. My teacup Chihuahua is named Tinkerbell, so she acts like a Tinkerbell. If you have a cute name, you will act cute. If you have a glam name, you will act glam. It's that simple. Future moms should make a note of that.

3 HAVE ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS SKIN, BUT DON'T FRET OVER IT. Pile makeup on and never, ever have a breakout. Perfect skin is a birthright, and it means you can never really take a bad photograph. No amount of junk food or Coca-Cola can change your skin. And if, God forbid, it does, have a great makeup artist standing by. It can't hurt.

4 EAT ONLY FAST FOOD OR THE MOST FABULOUS FOOD. Greasy chips or perfect crab cakes. Cotton candy or caviar. Fast food or fois gras. French fries or black-pepper shrimp from the Ivy in L.A. Cheesy junk or expensive cheese. Being an heiress is all about extremes.

5 DEVELOP A WAY OF ENTERING A ROOM THAT LOOKS ROYAL AND REGAL BUT NOT SNOBBY. Learn how to pose in an onslaught of flashing lights without blinking. (Note to celebrities: You can always improve.) Always know your best angle — for your body and your face — and work it. Study your own pictures and you'll figure it out.

6 NEVER, EVER WAKE UP BEFORE TEN; NEVER GO TO BED BEFORE THREE. Normal hours are for normal people. You never want to be normal. Anyone can be normal. How boring. I'm yawning.

7 ALWAYS TELL EVERYONE WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR. Then do what you want. That way, no one ever gets mad at you. They get very confused, then blame it on themselves. If anyone confronts you, smile sweetly and act coyly. Particularly with guys. And bosses. Try not to have bosses if you can avoid them. Or have your manager deal with them.

8 NEVER HAVE ONLY ONE CELL PHONE WHEN YOU CAN HAVE MANY. Lose one all the time. That way, if you haven't called someone back, you can blame it on the lost phone. It's very important to get a new model the minute it comes out. Nokias, Ericksons, Motorolas — those are the coolest. Always have at least two numbers: a friend line and a business line. If I feel like avoiding a call, I answer my phone in a phony British accent and say, "Hello, Paris Hilton's line," or something like that. I do that if I'm expecting a call from a guy I've changed my mind about and I don't want to have dinner with him anymore. Every woman has the right to change her mind from time to time; therefore heiresses have more of a right.

9 NEVER WEAR THE SAME THING TWICE. This is particularly important if you're going to be photographed a lot, which I am. If you double up, people will think you have only one outfit — and that's annoying. And untrue.

10 DON'T WEAR A DRESS THAT'S IN ALL THE MAGAZINES. That's for girls with no imagination who just buy what magazines tell them to buy. Look for the cool, unusual dress that no one else has the nerve to wear. Dare to be different. Dare to wear colors and prints. All the boring New York socialite girls wear black. Do you ever see a girl in a magazine wearing black? I don't think so. Don't run out and buy the bag of the moment or the dress of the moment. I like expensive things, but I like cheap things, too. I like anything that's cute and makes me happy. I haven't met too many clothes I didn't like — except black clothes.

11 IF YOU'RE HAPPY, WEAR PINK. If you're depressed, wear black. Black is for people who don't want to have fun with clothes and who are always hiding — in other words, depressed. No one with a truly great body wears black, trust me. And if you really want to stand out and be confident, wear white.

12 MAKE PLANS, PLANS, AND MORE PLANS. Invite everyone you know to come along. If there aren't enough hours in the day, don't worry, there will be. You live in a different time zone: Heiress Time.

13 ACT DITZY. LOSE THINGS. It throws people off and makes them think you're "adorable," and less together than you really are.

14 IF ALL ELSE FAILS, ACT BORED. Not boring. There's a huge difference.

15 PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION ARE OKAY, in limited amounts, but only with your serious boyfriend, because that's exactly what someone with a famous family name is NOT supposed to do. It makes other boys think you're dangerous, so they will all want you, too. Guys like women they're a little afraid of. No, make that a lot afraid of.

16 ALWAYS HAVE A VERY BIG BODYGUARD. It intimidates guys. If a guy does have the nerve to approach you when your bodyguard is around, you know he's got to be pretty fearless.

17 ALWAYS HAVE A TAN. It looks like you've been in an exotic (i.e., expensive) place. It can never look fake, even if it is. Get the spray-on tan, so it doesn't get all over your clothes.

18 CHANGE YOUR HAIRSTYLE ALL THE TIME. Everyone expects you to have the same hairstyle in every photo, and only dull people do that. Tell everyone you're wearing hair extensions even if you aren't, because they don't expect you to tell them.

19 NEVER DRINK DIET SODA. It shows you have no nerve. Only drink real colas, caffeine-packed energy drinks, or Vitamin Water. Hate champagne, because that's what everyone expects you to love. Energy drinks are the best party drinks. You never get tired. You never have a hangover. And you can make fun of all the loaded people who think they're clever but are really acting stupid.

20 FEAR NOTHING — EXCEPT INSECTS. And sweaty guys who insist on kissing you when they come up to say hello. There's nothing worse than a sweaty guy who kisses you on both cheeks. Once is bad enough, but to have to go through it twice is really two times too much.

21 NEVER BE PREDICTABLE. Always surprise people. That way, they will never get tired of you.

22 IF THE MEDIA PLAYS WITH YOU, WELL, PLAY WITH THEM. I went on Saturday Night Live soon after my name was in the headlines every day for something I wasn't too proud of, and which had really upset my family. On "Weekend Update" with Jimmy Fallon, the script had him asking me, "Is it hard to get a room in the Paris Hilton? Is it roomy?" and he wanted to cut it. But I wouldn't let him. No way. That was the funniest line. And I got the upper hand with the media the moment he said it on national TV. That's when it all clicked and things started to change. People knew I could laugh at myself, and that one bad incident was not going to make me lock myself in my room.

23 LAST BUT NOT LEAST: MAKE FUN OF YOURSELF. NEVER TAKE YOURSELF, OR RULES, TOO SERIOUSLY (see all above rules).

The Season to Reason

2007-03-27T11:07:00.002-04:00

No matter how much you think you can handle situations or be rational and logical pre-emptively or not let situations that are out of your control get to you, EMOTIONS ALWAYS GET THE BEST OF YOU. It is exactly those situations that you can't control that cause the most pain and are hardest to deal with. I always thought of myself as someone who could deal with anything. And for the most part I can. I can dettach myself from people and situations very easily. Mostly coz I never really let myself get attached to begin with.

People that don't fit into my life for one of many reasons, I make no room for. (Sound so ruthless and strong) Yet time and time again I find myself sulking over something that just seems impossible to get over. I keep trying to tell myself I am not an emotional person, I'm STRONG, I have seen enough in life to be able to deal with ANYTHING. Yet I find myself struggling with certain people or situations instead of just moving on as I should.

I guess when its not just you but there are other people involved, people that you love and care for and that matter the most to you, emotions start to hold more value and like it or not you can't just walk away. You can't just remove yourself from the situation or remove the people affecting you out of your life.

I know ... I shouldn't let it affect me, I should just learn from it and remember it for the future, I should just forget about it and move on, I should think of whats important and focus on that, I should just communicate and sort things out. I want to just do everything exactly opposite of that. So here I am, using this blog, to vent my feelings and reason with my emotions! I think I feel a little better already : )

--Bulbuli =)

To pay or Not to pay ... that is the question?

2007-03-07T17:27:00.001-05:00

Dates these days are just so darn complicated. As if its not hard enough trying to get through the stressful experience, you got to worry about every little detail before, during and after each date. Take the bill for example. Gone are those good old days when girls just looked pretty and boys just paid. With women being smarter and richer and bolder these days, its hard to just expect the guys to pay. I mean most women still do! I think if you were to ask 10 women, atleast 8 would say they would expect the guy to pay. Whether thats fair or not, is a tough question to answer. On one hand there's the male ego that still exists in its fullest form, "How could I let a girl pay?". On the other hand there is the whole issue of equality, "Well if she wants to be treated fairly, I don't want to take away her right to pay!" Not to mention the fact that a date is just a date, no gurantee of anything. People go on hundreds of dates these days and that can get pretty expensive for anyone.

I think people should just pay based on who asked the other person on a date. If the girl is trying to pursue the guy, I don't see why she shouldn't just pay for the date. I mean its only polite to pay for things when you invite someone out. Same for the guys, if they ask a girl out, I think they should definitely pay for the date. If you think about it, this in the long run might prevent the players from asking too many girls out on a date. They just simply won't be able to afford it. Dontcha think ;)

--Bulbuli =)

Where do you weigh in?

2007-01-31T16:23:00.001-05:00

Its funny how just a year ago I remember seeing a picture of a friend on mine that I hadn't seen in 3-4 years. I was in shock because she looked twice her size since I'd last seen her. She'd been in a serious relationship and gotten married to the guy which seemed to me was the reason for this massive weight gain. I couldn't understand :-\ How could someone let themselves go that much? How could a person that was thin as a stick become a full branch and seem totally unaware of it? It was beyond my comprehension how a sexy, stylish, single girl had turned into a married, auntie-like figure in the span of a few years.

I remember this incident so clearly because in life I have 2 fears: the fear of aging and the fear of getting fat. I spoke to everyone I knew and talked endlessly about this. It was afterall, my biggest fear and I never wanted to be that girl. I never wanted to settle down and become one of these women that just let their bodies go. I was smart and sophisticated ... a modern girl that doesn't place herself in the old mold. But just to be safe, I made everyone around me promise they would whack me into shape if I did indeed let myself go. All my friends laughed. The fattest I had ever been was not fat at all so no one really thought I'd ever be "fat". So they reassured me that if the impossible was to occur, they would warn me and keep me in check.

Yesterday, after months of settling down and years of irregular workouts that seem to get less frequent each week, I finally got on the scale. It was more just as a joke because my boyfriend really wanted to see how much weight he'd lost (don't I wish I had that problem). STUNNED AND SHOCKED, I couldn't believe what I saw. I was officially 9 pounds overweight. YES, you heard me right, OVERWEIGHT. Me .. Ms. I-am-so-scared-of-aging-and-getting-fat-I-am-never-going-to-be-like-those-girls, I am officially, medically, legally, technically FAT. And it all came without warning. All those friends who'd promised to warn me and my loved ones who'd assured me they'd keep me in check, they were nowhere to be found.

Ok, so maybe I chose to overlook the signs. Like for the past year, when my size 2 jeans just wouldn't fit right and my size 0's started to rip a lil in areas they shouldn't have. Or those love handles that make all my tops a lil more snug than I'd like. Or those jackets that I have a hard time closing the buttons of. Or the way my arms just don't slide through my shirt sleeves anymore. Perhaps those are some signs I chose to ignore but no friend, not even my own blood ever warned me about this all along. My boyfriend was probably too scared to ever even mention it to me but no one else even said a word? NOT ONE WORD .... to warn me and bring me back to reality about how FAT I've gotten.

I cannot tell you how hard and harsh this realization has been. Of course, as I should, I will do my best to fix this situation but for those of you who haven't quite gotten there yet, I wanted to warn you.

WARNING: You may someday get fat so keep the measurements and weight in check ; )

--Bulbuli =)

Much Resistance for Long Distance

2006-10-12T14:07:00.002-04:00

As someone who has experienced being in one, I often wonder how long distance relationships are expected to work. Its hard enough making a relationship work when you are in the same city, why would you wanna put yourself through the tortures of a long distance one? I can see some benefits of being long distance: more independence, not enough time to get bored of each other, you can keep your own life without sacrificing and compromising everything that makes you YOU. But if you think all these are great factors, should you really even be in a relationship coz no person ready for a real relationship would ever want any of these things.

Then what draws people to get into long distance relns?? Of course all of us get bored of the "local" crowd and once we're done sifting thru the local stock, its only natural that we find greener pastures in farther spaces. And its cool if you're just trying to take things easy and go with the flow and enjoy some extraordinary person's company that just happens to live in another city. What gets me is when people try to start serious long distance relationships. Its one thing if the person you're in a serious relationship with moves away. I can see how you might wanna not give up something good due to circumstances once you've already involved yourself in a serious relationship. But why oh why would you wanna set yourself up for a weekly rollercoaster, a huge increment in your skymiles, a high rise in your phone bills, a constant on-the-go life which is to be maintained in both cities and a mountain of insecurities that is sure to be much more burdensome than the insecurities of a local relationship.

-- Bulbuli

Lost in Space

2006-09-19T13:26:00.001-04:00

How often do you girls go through the "contemplation phase" where you analyze everything and anything about your life. Work, relationships, success, friendships, surroundings, goals, fitness, health, families ... pretty much anything that comes to your mind in the moment. Despite the hectic life and schedules ahead of me, I find myself searching for the answer to the question of the moment. I personally am highly content (always) with everything I have whether it be Relationships, Finances or Success, I feel like I am where I am at any point is by choice so usually there isn't a reason for dissatisfaction. Then why all the questions??? Why the contemplation???

--Bulbuli =)

Why buy the Pig???

2006-09-12T15:32:00.001-04:00

I thought this was absolutely HILARIOUS:

"For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you: 'Its not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.'"

HAHHAHHAHHAHA ... My first time hearing that. Pretty funny!!!

--Bulbuli =)

Soulmates

2006-09-12T12:00:00.000-04:00

Its so great to hear about people in "love", when they meet their "soulmates", when they find the "one". You just know they're going to live happily ever after and have the perfect family and be perfectly content with their lives forever and forever .. I mean they're with their soulmates after all.

Whats even more amazing is when people have only dated for a few months and they seem to just KNOW that this person is the one for them. How do you know, so quickly, that this one person that you've known for ohhh some 3-4 months is the one for you? Its crazy to me when people start off their relationship knowing they're the ones, even get married after dating for a few months and realize less than a year down the road they weren't exactly on the same wavelength. Can you imagine the humiliation when you have to face your friends & family, the ones that had tried to convince you to take your time and not rush into things, and tell them that you will no longer be with this person that you had so certainly bragged about being your soulmate? That the one for you few months later became so NOT the one for you!

I have the most wonderful guy in the world. He is utterly caring, incredibly loving, soooo much fun to be with and I love spending every moment with him. Its not like we don't disagree or argue or fight but we love each other to death and always work through everything. He is the closest thing to a soulmate that I have ever known in my entire life and i definitely want him to be the "ONE" for me but I don't know that I could've gone around saying he's my soulmate the third month we were dating. Years later today, I feel like he's my bestest friend in the world and I love him like I have never loved anyone before but I think it would be years before I could truly realize that we're Soulmates. I can't imagine anyone else in my life but him but I think we would've truly earned the right to say we're the ONE for each other after we've proved each other through the toughest of times and stuck it out through thick and think and when he still loves me the same after I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant and when my monthly PMS is still bearable to him 10 years down the road and my food is still the best in the world and when our love grows more and more over the next 80 years.

--Bulbuli =)

Agree to Disagree

2006-08-01T16:09:00.000-04:00

I never did understand the whole concept of Agreeing to disagree. In theory it makes sense. You can't make everyone else think the way you do so at times when both parties feel that they're right but happen to be on opposite ends of an arguement, well .. you have no choice but to agree to disagree in order to move on. How often does this work though? Especially when it comes to relationships. For me, even if I do agree to end an arguement by saying we're both right in our own ways, the fact that I still feel I am really right will never let me agree to the fact that the other person might also be right. I can't shake the thought off of the other person not agreeing with me. Coz in reality I still know that they disagree and have not understood my point. This is especially bothersome to me when it comes to my close friends or my boyfriend coz when we can't see eye-to-eye on something and we agree to disagree, in my mind, I still know that the other person is thinking I'm wrong and that their opinion is quite opposite of mine. How can 2 opposite viewpoints both be right?

--Bulbuli =)

Elevator Invaders

2006-08-01T16:01:00.000-04:00

Is it just me or is it really annoying when someone sticks their hand or foot in the middle of a closing elevator door to hop on board at the very last second?? I mean it isn't bad enough that you had to wait 5 minutes for the elevator yourself to finally get in with 10 other sweaty, icky people. Then you press your floor's button only to see 6 other buttons below yours light up. You've barely come to terms with the fact that it'll take you 5 extra minutes to get to your floor when the Elevator Invader attacks. As the doors are about to shut close, they stick their hands in to pry it open, walk into an overly crowded elevator and press yet another button for a floor below you. Does anyone else find this as annoying or am I just PMSing??? There's gotta be a book on Elevator Etiquette somewhere that clearly forbids this kinda behavior!!

--Bulbuli =)

Tis the season ...

2006-07-07T11:32:00.000-04:00

Ok .. I am pretty sure I'm not the only one that has a Gazillion Weddings to attend this year. I'll be on my fifth one this weekend and wedding season is nowhere near its end. Ever think about how much money and effort goes into planning these things?? And all for what?? A very dejaVuish experience. Honestly, how many weddings have you been to that you can truly say were "different". It all seems the same to me. The usual Sangeet night .. where these days Gujju's have started doing Bhangra and Punju's have started doing Raas. The usual wedding ceremony ... enormous and expensive mandaps with atleast 3 hours of a ceremony that no one really pays attention to but people spend months planning. The usual reception ... big, grand hotel ballrooms with elaborate decorations, loads of punjabi food and the ultra cool DJ that keeps you dancing to Desi tunes all night long ... well mostly till about midnight. Not to mention hundreds of guests .. most of them that neither the Bride nor the Groom knows.

Don't get me wrong .. I love weddings, especially coz I love dressing up. I hardly get to wear my Desi Gear so any chance that I do get, I'm all enthusiatic about deckin out. But how can you justify spending tens of thousands of dollars on weddings that really are more pain than gain, atleast from my perspective. I've seen the Desi Bridezillas. They spend MONTHS planning their big day .. hair, makeup, outfits, jewelery, mehndi, weightloss ... the list really is endless. I can only imagine how happy and excited they must be coz it really is the biggest day of their lives. The families spend years saving up for this day, and these days pray to God each day that their daughter will get married and not turn into a spinster. The groom who took forever to get ready for the big plunge to begin with and is now completely unprepared for all the chaos and drama that comes his way with the wedding planning. I rarely ever see Grooms as involved in wedding planning as the rest of the family. Why is that?? Anyway, I digress. So years of courtship (or atleast hopefully years of courtship) months of planning, tons of money and another cloned wedding ... really worth it all?? I wouldnt' know, I'm not married but I do know that for my weddding I want a "different" experience for myself and my guests ... guests that i WILL know ... events that WILL not be cloned ... memories that I WILL remember for a lifetime and never regret in retrospect.

WILL it really happen??? As always, I'm probably looking for something I am highly unlikely to attain but one can dream .. can't they? ; )

--Bulbuli =)

Quotes to Live By

2006-05-11T13:15:00.000-04:00

So, I love.. love.. looooveeee.. googling and browsing wikipedia and reading pseudo-accurate info about anything and everything. So I was reading about something or the other and somehow stumbled upon the life and times of Zsa-Zsa gabor. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zsa_Zsa_Gabor
The biography was mildly interesting, but the quotes were infinitely amusing and Im posting them here. This one goes out to all my girls....

"To be loved is a strength. To love is a weakness."

"A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished."

"I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back."

When asked how many husbands she'd had, Zsa Zsa replied: "You mean, other than my own?"

"To a smart girl men are no problem - they're the answer."

"Macho does not prove mucho."

"Husbands are like fires. They go out if unattended."

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house."

"Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do."

"Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5,000 Gideon Bibles."

"A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it."

Boyfriends are fattening.

2006-04-17T11:08:00.000-04:00

I'm sure most of you have noticed that people in relationships tend to loose track of their appearances. They pay less attention to the way they dress, barely ever work out and rarely care about the way they look. I have a friend who recently went through a breakup and started working out 5 times a week to get over the painful aftermath. It actually made her look 10 times better somehow. Not only did she look great coz she had lost weight and shaped up nicely, but she seemed more confident which also added to her appeal. I never even noticed how attractive she was until post breakup. I'm sure her ex-boyfriend's drooooooling all over her now which got me thinking, why is it that people let things get to that point before they start doing something about it? I mean these days, its hard enough making a relationship work in general. With divorce rates higher than ever, even marriage doesn't ensure an eternal bond. Don't you think people should put more of an effort while IN a relationship to make sure you don't loose the interest of this amazing person you have taken years to find and bond with?

For me personally, its extremely important that my boyfriend find me super attractive. I love dressing up for him, looking good so he can compliment me all night long, putting that effort in so he can appreciate what he's got. Given that most men have wandering eyes regardless of what you do but I still feel its important to put that effort in making him LOVE the way I look so there's less of a chance of him looking elsewhere. I think its so important that people not take each other for granted.I think that is the beginning of the demise of any relationship. Attraction is what brings people together and I think it plays a crucial role in keeping them together long term. OF COURSE everything else has got to be right. LOVE is even more important and eventually the main reason you stay with someone but I think these days, the self-centered world that we're in mandates every bit of effort you can put in to make your relationship STRONG and LAST LONG.

--Bulbuli =)

DVR!!!!

2006-03-29T17:00:00.000-05:00

I LOVE WATCHING TV. It has always been one of my favorite things to do. I could literally watch TV 48 hrs in a row if I just had an abundance of snacks & drinks.

For the longest time I had stopped watching as much, especially shows that required me to watch regularly at specific times and specific days. As life progressed, schedules got busier and time was moving at the speed of light for me. Maybe I had just gotten slower with age or I had just found more things to do making it RARE for me to be home in the evenings to be able to watch my favorite shows. Whatever the case, I had lost touch with the most popular shows. I couldn't understand the big hoopla about The OC or why everyone was crazy about the Desperate Housewives.

6 months ago I joined the rest of the nation and got a DVR (some of u might know it as TIVO). I can't believe I didn't do this earlier. I NEVER HAVE TO MISS A SHOW AGAIN (except for when I forget to record it or am past my allotted storage space). OC to SoBe, Gilmore Girls to Desperate Housewives, Project Runway to Top Chef, Deal or No Deal to The Apprentice, Family Guy to Simpsons, movies, game shows, primetime ... its all at my fingertips and it takes me almost half (ok maybe 3/4's) the time to watch them since I can FF through all the ad's.
I would recommend that everyone in this WORLD get a DVR!!! The is a must have accessory for everyone!!!!!

--Bulbuli =)

Compliment or CC???

2006-03-21T14:55:00.000-05:00

I am THE WORST at recieving compliments. For the most part I feel like people just say things for the sake of saying them without really meaning most of it. Just like I can't be fake, I can't sing untrue praises. When I tell someone something, I really mean it ... well ... maybe not to the extent my words might imply but there's always truth to my laudation. But do most people do that???

When I'd get off stage after my bollywood dance performances and people would tell me how mine was THE BEST act or I was THE BEST dancer, I couldn't help but feel elated for the longest time. One day I overheard someone using the same words they had used to describe my performance for another girl. Now this wouldn't have been as hurtful had I not seen this girl's dance and noticed how terribly choreographed & performed her act was. I'm not claiming to be the best dancer on earth, nor am I saying that I am an expert in any way but if hers was THE BEST DANCE then was mine even better than THE BEST or was mine just as BAD? I'd rather not even think about it but at this point it was clear to me that all this adulation was not to be taken too seriously.

As most girls, I've experienced the relentless flattery from guys trying to "talk" to me. You are SO BEAUTIFUL, you are the HOTTEST girl I ever met, you have the SEXIEST body in the world, you are the FUNNEST person to hang out with, etc. I all sounds so sweet and flattering. I mean what girl doesn't want to be admired ... to be put on a pedastal ... to be glorified publicly. But when you see the same guy use the same lines on your friend the next time or maybe even the same night, you can't help but become immune to such blandishments.

This is not to say that I should ignore all compliments and be cynical about people's words. This is just to prevent myself from letting my ego inflate beyond capacity, and to take another look at the value these compliments hold in my self-assessment. Basically just so hopefully I can stay grounded and keep my ego in check ; )

--Bulbuli =)

Fakin' It

2006-03-14T10:42:00.000-05:00

I am a very straight-forward person. WYSIWYG. What You See Is What You Get!!! I understand the concept behind diplomacy and burning bridges but I feel that there is a line you MUST NOT cross or allow others to cross when it comes to social interactions and being "politely fake". If you try to battle out every issue you have with every person in your life, you'd live a very short and miserable life. Short coz you'd die earlier from all the arguements, stress and tension. But shouldn't there be some truth to your relationships with everyone around you? Is it that bad to express how you might feel about your friend's or family's words or actions?

NOT speaking your mind ALL THE TIME is a GREAT idea and I have learned that over the years. With age comes maturity (yes .. i'm a bit more mature now). Not EVERYTHING must be said and often times you think you know what you're saying and you think you mean to say what you're saying but more likely than not your emotions get the best of you and you end up saying things you regret later. So I guess I'm saying, its good to hold back sometimes.

What I don't get is how people ignore issues that bother them and act like best of friends or closest of families and pretend like everything's perfect? I can NEVER do that. I wish I could, especially when I really just don't care about the other person enough and would rather not show my emotions. Instead, it shows through me as clearly as anything through glass. Whether i'm mad or sad ... I can't be "normal" with the other person until my emotions are taken care of. So often, I end up being confrontational or confronted coz the other person knows CLEARLY that something is amiss. For me personally, I'd rather just Talk things out, Deal with the issue at hand, Let the other person know how I feel and Resolve things or Agree to Disagree.

I know that all sounds GREAT and it usually works out well too EXCEPT if you have to Agree to Disagree coz in that case not only has the issue NOT been resolved, things are out in the open and thoughts that you don't agree with have been shared. It just leaves both parties frustrated and the issue unresolved. I'd still rather be somewhat real than completely fake. Wouldn't you?

--Bulbuli =)

What is Compromise?

2006-03-08T17:17:00.000-05:00

Chatting with a friend about her relationship today got me thinking about something that all of us have or will ponder upon at some point in our lives. Whether its someone who's dating, or in a serious relationship, engaged, or married .... we know that attraction is usually what brings 2 people together .. but what is it that keeps them together?

It is often said there are 4 important elements that act as glue in a relationship and help keep it happy & healthy: Love, Respect, Trust & Compromise. The first 3 are pretty self explanatory but one that I find hard to define is Compromise. What is compromise? Who is supposed to compromise? When are you supposed to compromise? What are the rules of compromise? What are the limits to compromising? Is it absolutely necessary to compromise?

I think compromise is when u accustom yourself to the other person's mess, (obviously the piles of your clothes lying around is not "mess", its your "stuff") and despite their mess you find your way to the bathroom, in the dark, dodging all their clothes/shoes/accessories/papers on the floor. Its when you listen to hip-hop even if its techno you prefer. Its when you eat Chinese even though its Thai you are craving. Its when you go get trashed even though it was a quiet night in you were looking forward to. Its when you become friends with people you had sworn never to hang out with. Its when you hold you anger in upon your partner's remarks that supersede your comments made in front of your friends & family.

The older you get, the harder it becomes to compromise. My mom always says, "Girls should be married off earlier because the older they get, the more stubborn they get". That is the case for boys as well, the only difference being that usually girls are the ones expected to compromise. It really is very hard for 2 mature adults to compromise, especially when they are used to doing things a certain way for 20-30 years. This is one thing I see many people struggle with in relationships. In today's world where everyone is really just looking out for themselves, compromise is one element that has become harder to balance in relationships.

In my opinion, compromise is about letting go of things in a relationship that you wouldn't let go of if u were single. Its about doing things you may not want to do but would mean a lot to the person you are with . Its about molding your life so it can blend better with ur significant other's. Its about changing your ways so you can adapt to ways that are not your own but would make the other person happy. Its about not worrying about the end result but doing your best to accomodate your partner.

I think if each person does their best to make the other happy in a relatioship, compromise would automatically happen.

..... if only this was as easy to do as it is to say :-/

--Bulbuli =)

How well do u know men?

2006-03-08T10:59:00.000-05:00

I took a quiz about men today and thought it was pretty funny. Here's what my results were (and yes ... I laughed too but hopefully there's some truth to this)

"You Have Your PhD in Men!!! You understand men almost better than anyone.You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well.Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful."

Well I'm certainly glad I was able to get some kinda PhD in this lifetime. If you're curious to find out How Well You Understand Men, click on the link to take the quiz!!!

Feel free to share ur results if u'd like ; )

--Bulbuli =)

WE BE CLUBBIN ..... STILL!!!!

2006-03-03T12:07:00.000-05:00

Recently i've received a few emails about people's notions of what clubbing means to most desis. How every clubbing expereince is about getting wasted so u can deal w/ old drama and start new ones, about guys chasing after girls that would never give them a shot and girls running after guys that were never interested in them to begin with, about guys trying to prove their manhood by protecting their "property" (aka any girls that came with them or ones they saw first) and fighting any guy that comes even close to doing what they themselves would do to other girls in a heartbeat, about how repetitive and boring it gets but somehow no one can stop the vicious cycle. I'm sure this is an exaggerated version meant to humor people but there's gotta be some truth to the whole thing.

For me personally, clubbing has never been about that. When I was younger, I loved going clubbing coz I LOVED to dance and it was fun to dance the night away with my bf. We always went with our friends and had a great time. I didn't even drink much initially so alcohol was never really a big part of my clubbing experience until after i graduated from college and moved away from my bf to a different city and into a long distance relationship.

After that I'd go clubbing coz thats what most people seemed to wanna do and I was trying to make friends in a new city. It wasn't until I met Chulbuli that my clubbing experience took another turn. Both of us used to paint the town red, mind u this is not a big metropolitan city we're talking about. We used to live in a very suburaban area with a much more conservative lifestyle. We, however, took partying to a whole different level. We'd go out 3-4-5 days a week .. just the 2 of us. We rarely drank and yet had the BEST time ever. We were both so passionate about dancing and danced every night we were out getting unbelievable amounts of attention from guys (yes .. of course we loved it especially coz we'd never let any of the guys get close). We were the Prudes and Proud of it ; ) We created our own drama and mainly just laughed everything off coz really for us it was all about having fun and enjoying life to the fullest. And so we did. Chulbuli .. those were def some FUN YEARS we spent together.

After years and years of partying, my love and stamina for clubbing has certainly gone down and now that I don't drink at all my patience and tolerance have lowered significantly. For me it always was and is about the hours before that I spend picking an OUTFIT and GETTING READY, about meeting my FREINDS and HANGING OUT with them, about trying NEW VENUES and checking out the HOTTEST PLACES in town, about GOOD MUSIC and DANCING my ass off. I still LOVE going clubbing if the company, music and place are to my liking.

Over the years the alcohol consumption has gone up tremendously and I've definitely had some crazy nights out especially when we take our clubbing to another city or country. But overall .. its been a fun experience. The drama, the drinking, the dancing ... its all been worthwhile and something I wouldn't trade for anything.

--Bulbuli =)

Don't be a Hater!!!!

2006-03-02T17:24:00.000-05:00

People often thrive on female animosity. Girls just seem to NEVER get along. Guys drop everything at the slightest hint of a cat fight. Many wonder why is it that girls don't get along and I wanted to address that today.

If my bf does anything wrong related to a girl (denies contact w/ another girl he had no business contacting, lies about buying her a drink, blames her for dinners that he had with her, hooks up with her, calls one of his ex's, etc) I am the kinda person that would never blame the girl .. coz u see ... i don't really care what the girl did to cause any of it. She means nothing to me. I blame my bf .. simply because he's the one I care about and he's the one responsible to answer to me. His judgement along w/ his actions should've prevented anything that he's trying to get himself outta trouble for. What would blaming the girl ever get me? I am never going to discuss any of this with her and is it really her fault completely or even partially if my bf chooses to be/do things w/ her? So girls .. don't blame the girl ... BLAME YOUR GUY!

There's no doubt Indian girls are a great package. Brains, Beauty, Body, Style, Personality, Culture .. you name it and majority of us have majority of the goods. Some are great in some things .. others in .. well .. others. So why hate on a beautiful girl just coz she might get more attention or a successful one coz she might have more money? I consider myself to be averagely attractive. I don't have the best of bodies but its not bad. I think i'm fairly intelligent but not nerdy. I have a great job and make a decent amount of money. I love fashion and style and my culture and am a good balanced mix of the east and the west. The point I'm getting to with all this is that I don't bad mouth or demean other girls that might be more attractive or more intelligent or more fashionable or more whatever else than myself. I admire them for what they have especially if they got it themselves. I think more girls should be like that. Not every girl is your competition or enemy (some definitely are and some i really wish i never had to see but not all). So be good to other girls and instead of putting them down try to gain their positives and loose the negative attitude. Besides, being a good person in the end is good for you anyway :D Good Karma; )

--Bulbuli =)

How much should your wardrobe be worth?

2006-02-16T15:52:00.000-05:00

There are 2 kinds of people in this world: Those who spend tons of money on their clothes, buy whatever they like/see & Those who shop smart, look for sales and find the best deals to fill their wardrobe. I'm part of the latter group and so is a friend of mine whose outfit I was noticing yesterday. She is required to dress business formal for work which is something I am very unfamiliar with since most of my jobs have allowed casual attire. I don't think she has ever spent over $50 on any of her clothes yet she looks like a milliion bucks. She dresses absolutely adorable, looks totally fashionable while still managing to look very professional. I thought about another friend who actually shops at all the high end stores, spends 100's of dollars and obviously dresses and looks professional, yet, I don't think I would ever notice her style or give her a second look if she was to pass me in the hallway.

Isn't it amazing how much an individual's dressing style can make even the inexpensive stuff look great? I think if my smart shopper friend had to dress from my Rich friend's closet, I have a feeling she would still manage to make herself look cute and fashionable. I absolutely admire that quality in people and so totally believe that its not about the amount of money spent but the thought and originality put into an outfit that makes it look so amazing.

Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder .. i.e. if they can find beauty in any pieces given to them and put it together beautifully ;)