The Fear of Pregnancy

For as long as I can remember, I was petrified at the thought of being pregnant.  I never could understand how women did that for nine months, carried a little person inside them, walked around as if nothing was unusual about them and then to top it all off pushed a full size baby out their Va-jay-jays.  Just the thought of it made me cringe.  After I got married, every time the topic of having children came up, I found myself asking for a bit more time.  I just didn't feel ready to go through this.  To experience such pain for 9 months and then give up my life for the 18 years after that.

The quickest way to get over that was a surprise conception.  Yep, I was going about my life as usual and then BOOM came a delayed period and a surprise pregnancy :-O  I can't express to you the shock and surprise that hit us when we realized I was pregnant, I mean I knew one day I would be but I definitely hadn't thought it would be here NOW!

A year later, here I am with a beautiful, most adorable little girl in my arms and somewhat surprised at the beauty of pregnancy.  Nine months is a long time. Everything happens so gradually that you don't have to work hard in getting used to the idea of carrying a child. I still remember the first time I heard my baby's heartbeat, words cannot describe the feeling you get when you hear that fast sound of a tiny beating heart.  Its the first realization that there is a life growing inside you.  A truly incredible and memorable experience.  Then the first time I saw my baby on ultrasound, it blew me away even more.  The tiny little head, hands, feet and torso, it is indescribable how amazing it feels to see the image of your child and realize what is happening inside you.

I can honestly say today, I loved being pregnant.  Despite the morning sickness, physical pain and sleepless nights (and boy did I have plenty of those), it was a warm and emotionally enriching experience.  People were extremely nice to me throughout my pregnancy.  Everyone was more considerate and accommodating.  My husband, family and friends were all so sweet. I felt incredibly loved and cared for throughout.  There is a genuine kindness that automatically occurs when people see a pregnant woman.  It was really amazing to see so much love and affection.  It kept me happy throughout the 8 months (you don't find out about your pregnancy till at least a month into it).

As far as the delivery goes, it was my biggest fear.  I had been to the Labor & Delivery course and let me tell you, whoever thinks you need to watch those videos to help you understand the birthing process couldn't be more WRONG.  There is no reason a woman who is about to give birth needs to see what is about to happen down there.  I couldn't sleep for days just worrying and wondering how in the world I would ever push a baby out, the way I had seen in those videos.

When my labor started, the contractions were quite painful (probably more painful than any cramp you've ever experienced) but once I got the epidural it was significantly bearable.  I felt like I was floating.  The anticipation was growing and the whole waiting period was well spent with both our families.  I highly recommend having family/friends around during labor.  It made time fly and seeing their anxiousness was quite endearing.

Pushing was quite exhausting, especially when you do it for almost 2 hours :D  However, seeing my husband's face as he held my hand, seeing the excitement in his eyes as he saw our baby's head helped me with the process tremendously.

Nothing in your whole life will compare to the feeling you get from holding your child in your arm.  Seeing and hearing your baby for the first time is the most emotionally fulfilling experience in the world. You can hear about other people's experiences all you want but no one can really explain to you how wonderful it feels to see your child, a tiny little life that you brought into this world.

I can now see why they say a woman feels complete after childbirth.  It is emotionally, physically and mentally the most intense process you will ever go through but the rewards are simply priceless.  We stare at her in awe every day and are amazed at how we created this incredibly wonderful and precious little person.  I can say with full sincerity, I would do it all over again :)

Hello 2010

Wow, 2009 flew by in a blink of an eye. It has been one of the most important years of my life. I acquired my most prized possession last year, my daughter :) It has been a wonderful journey and I can't wait to blog about it more. For now just saying Happy New Year!!! (Atleast its still January)

I miss writing. Hope to write a lot more this year!!

Hey Baby!!

My life changed in a flash in Spring of 2009. One day I was planning the whole summer out and the next minute I was canceling all those plans. We had decided to start trying for a baby in fall of 2009. Figured that gave us enough time to do all the traveling and other adventures we had hoped to finish before it was baby time. Somehow thats not what life had in store for us. The baby time came without notice and without permission. I still remember the day I took the test and then showed it to my husband. We stood there, staring at each other in shock, unsure which way to react. On one hand we were not quite certain that we were ready for this. On the other hand it was a blessing we had hoped for just a few months earlier than expected. Once the initial shock was over and we finally accepted our destiny, I couldn't believe it, I was going to be a Mom!

Now, sitting here just weeks away from my due date, I can't believe how fast these last 7+ months have passed by. It has been quite a journey: the sickness, the scares, the worries, the adjustments. Planning for a baby is not as easy as I had thought. Then again, its not as hard as I had expected either. Its a gradual process for a reason. I think its God's way of getting us used to the idea of such an enormous undertaking. The millions of things you need to do to plan for a little life, its just unbelievable. How can one tiny human being require so much from you? This little person, my child, my baby, I'm responsible for a life inside of me. It truly is surreal and unlike anything I've ever experienced before. As hard as the initial stages were, I am really amazed at how 9 months can produce a whole new life.

I am so anxious to meet this baby, so apprehensive for so much of what is unknown to me at this point, so thankful for all the help and support I have had through this process and so curious to see what life will be like after a permanent change like this. At this point I just hope it all works out well, the baby comes out healthy, I can recover and normalize quickly and most of all I do everything I'm supposed to do for this child in the best way possible.

Wish me luck! Hope I pass this test, one of the biggest of my life!

What a year ... already!!!!

Exciting, Exhilarating, Encouraging!!!!!!

Slumdog Millionaire has put India on the map like none other scoring 4/4 wins at the Golden Globes and 10 Nominations at the Oscars.

Obama has taken Oath of Office, twice, for the President of the United States - First African American President EVER!!!

An Indian has been offered the position of the US Surgeon General and another is about to be offered the position of Federal CTO (I hope its the one I know ... GO VK!!!!).

Ghajini has made Indian Box office history by crossing the 2 Crore mark within 2 weeks.

Shahrukh Khan has made history by appearing on the Golden Globes.

Amitabh Bachchan has made history with his Blogging.

Oprah has finally made it to DC to see me (yeah right).

I have made history by Snowboarding for the first time in my life (OK so none of you really care about that but me) :D

I'm sure there are a dozen other things that have happened but I've only listed things that are close to my heart, Bollywood & DC.

On a more serious note, I was at the center of the Earth this week, Washington DC!!!! There are not enough words in the dictionary to allow me to explain to you what a great sense of unity, love, and hope was felt all around town. A sea of people is what you saw everywhere and a crowd of hopefuls flooded the city. Everywhere I looked I saw happiness on everyone's face. It was a time like no other, given that only the future will tell what change will occur, the fact that everyone now has hope and the desire to see change can only lead us to a place far better than what we've seen so far in this century. So keep up the hope people and make atleast one change in your life this year.

YES WE CAN!!!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You God!!!!

There's so much in life we take for granted. In our busy lives, its so hard to stop and be thankful for what we have as we chase after everything in the world we want. This year personally for me has been a year of introspection. As I reflect on my life today I just wanted to thank God for all that he has blessed me with. I have parents that are unbelievably good to me, that have loved me more unconditionally than perhaps even I could ever have loved myself. I have a gem of a sister who is there for me through thick and thin, although younger her wisdom and strength are inspirational to me every day. I have in-laws that treat me more like a daughter than a daughter-in-law and care for me more than I could have ever imagined. I have friends that I can share my happiness and sadness with and count on to be there for me any time of the day, without question. Most importantly I have a husband who is truly a blessing from God. He has saved me in every way possible, taught me so much in just a few years, loved me like no other and embraced me with a wide open heart. I definitely must have done something good in my previous life to deserve being surrounded by such good people. I have health, wealth (ok so its a small one), a great job (especially in this economy), a great home (finally a place to permanently call home), and everything else I could really need in life. If I tried, I'm sure I could find things to complain about but in reality I have a happy, healthy family that is very close to me and its all that I would ask for if there is just one thing I could have in life.

Thank you God for blessing me with the most important things in life. I am truly greatful for all that life has brought my way: every person, every experience, every challenge and every comfort :)

A very Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!!!!

Uncertainties

I miss the uncertainties in life.  Given life is never definite but after a given time, things get determined  and most pieces of your life fall into place.  Things may change occasionally or even more than occasionally but a lot is well defined.  I miss the fear, anxiety, curiosity and change that were such a constant part of my life growing up. May just be because I'm bored today and absolutely in NO MOOD to work or perhaps because I have forgotten all the hardships that come with uncertainties.  There is a great amount of satisfaction in having all your life's pieces fall into place and a great amount of security in stability.  Love, family, money and friends .... what more do you need from life?  I do miss the drive though, I think its time to push the envelope and push myself harder.

Why do they do it?

Its hard enough to make it through all that life brings your way. Whether its work or family, friends or money, body image or relationships, there are constant stress factors that you have to cope with in life. What would life really be without these anyway? If you are ambitious and intelligent, you thrive on these challenges and work hard to make a place for yourself in every possible way. You can handle pretty much anything life throws your way. You can make smart decisions without much trouble about everything except for the one factor that seems to be the weak nerve of every girl I know, MEN! You can excel at work, be the star among your friends, exceed your family's expectations but never succeed in your relationships. Why is it always so hard for some girls? Really, should it be? All relationships are hard work but none should be so challenging that it takes a toll on every other aspect of you life and brings you down overall. Every relationship should bring something new to light and be a positive addition in your life.

I have several friends who are attractive, intelligent and highly ambitious women. Cultured, charming and the complete package, they have everything to be proud of and lots to look forward to in life. The only thing they don't seem to have, is that perfect relationship with the loving, caring guy that they can take to the parents and hopefully settle down with someday soon. The more they struggle with this, the more desperate they tend to get in their need for "making it work". They try to go out of their way in accommodating the guy's needs, becoming who they think is the person their boyfriend would want them to be. Changing their personalities, friends, goals, sometimes their whole lives, in hopes that they would become the "one" for their significant others. What happens as a result is quite shocking to these girls. The guys find them overbearing, less appealing and more annoying by the day. The smothering suffocates the men and they tend to wanna run away. This in turn makes the girls chase harder after the men. As they see them slipping through their fingers, they want to hold on tighter to any shred of the dying relationship that they can. I suppose they feel like they can make the guys love them if the guys could just see how great these girls truly are. Does that ever work? Can you really make someone like you? Can you really change yourself to become what you think a guy might want in the perfect wife?

From what I've seen, this usually starts a bad cycle of makeups and breakups. The guy breaks up because he doesn't think she's the "one", the girl cries her way back into a makeup. If the girl does happen to walk away from the relationship, she is generally pulled back into it by the guy who would still like to be "friends" and the glimmer of hope in their own minds of seeing this relationship work. The guy realizes once again shortly thereafter that this girl is not the "one" and the cycle goes on. The worst part is the judgments of the people who see this from the outside and all they can see is the poor guy who is trying to do the right thing and the pathetic girl who keeps running after the "poor" guy who was only trying to prevent her from getting hurt. But how do you explain this to someone who is completely blinded by her love for the guy, who in person gets to hear how much the guy really loves her but just needs "time", who gives into her emotional side for all the time that was invested in this one guy?

They get treated like crap, never get acknowledged in public, lose all self respect and are constantly struggling with finding their place in a relationship then why, why do girls still stay in them?