Ahhh to be so young and bold and fearless ...

I was at my cousin's dance rehearsal the other night for her college holiday show. Watching all the youngen's took me down memory lane to those days, many many many years ago, when I used to practice till 4 am and bust my ass over a few dance performances that were the center of my life. It was a thrill and a rush unlike any other. So much effort and energy went into it, back then I had the stamina to pull all nighters without blinking an eye, all for the personal satisfaction and the public acclaimation that kept me on a high throughout college without ever needing drugs.

More than their performances, what caught my eye, was this naive look in their eyes .. a very fearless attitude as if they could and would conquer the world as soon as they get out of school. Everything seemed to be within their reach, everything seemed possible. They knew exactly where they were going, well .. most of them anyway, and had an exact blue print of how fabulous and incredibly successful their lives were going to be. No obstacle would ever stop them, everything was doable and achievable. There was no worry in the world ... no road block that would prevent them from doing what they want and getting to where they want.

I remember that feeling clearly, although it was many years ago, I had that same sense of unstoppable power and optimism in my head. Its funny how years later, I look back and it all seems like another lifetime. That feeling, although not completely gone, has reduced in its magnitude. That attitude has had adjustments and reality has definitely had its impact on the future and its possibilites. The endless possibilities have now been narrowed down by family, friends, relationships, marriage and responsibilities. Of course, I still strongly believe you can do anything you set your mind to and give your 110% to but priorities are different. Options are limited and selection is much tougher than it used to be.

--Bulbuli =)

Burning Bridges

Moving all your life makes it so easy for you to believe that you can escape people। If you ask anyone that has moved from city to city throughout their childhood, majority of them will say that they have learned to make friends quickly but also learned to move on quickly। When you start your life in a new city, you meet new people, make new friends and build new relationships fast. You learn ways to join circles of friends that have known each other all their lives. Then when its time to move to a new place, you have to leave this fairly new set of friends, detach quickly and prep yourself for the next rotation. You can make friends or break friendships without really thinking long and hard about it. It doesn't really matter anyway since you'll most likely never see them again.

Lately however I have realized, this world is a very small place। Its one thing to run into people that live in your neighborhood, city or even state but when you start coming across people that live in other states or countries that you hadn't seen in 20 years, its a complete shock. This shock has lately become more and more of a reality for me.

I remember getting over things quickly in the past, relatively speaking. If someone hurt me or wasn't a good friend or did something to make me not want to speak to them, I would do exactly that, not speak to them without any warning or explanation or efforts for communication. It didn't really matter so much before because usually I would avoid them as much as possible and eventually just move so would never expect to see them again. Being in the the same place for a long time along with this globalization phenomenon is making me rethink this approach.

Perhaps some things are best dealt with and resolved, to whatever extent possible, immediately. That way there are no hard feelings and usually some form of closure. I tend to run from things that make me sad. The older I get, the more I don't like getting involved in the so called "drama" of life. Now that I'm beginning to settle down in what might be the last city I reside in, I'm starting to realize the importance of friendships, conflict resolutions and burning bridges. You never know who you'll see or need in the future. Its best to deal with life head on instead of ignoring it. This is very true for work relationships too. I see how important it is to make sure you leave every job without any ill feelings.

Its something I want to be able to do although I'm not very good at it. I see how burning bridges or holding grudges and not communicating or resolving conflicts will cause me pain in the future but sometimes I just hope that things will disappear or the pain will lessen over time.

--Bulbuli =)

Yeh Desh Hai Mera

Growing up in India and moving here in your teenage years is an experience unlike any other. You are old enough to learn so much about the Indian culture and young enough to adapt to your new environment. I feel like its such a blessing the get to see both countries so up close and personal. You can never get the feel for either by just visiting. Whats hard though, is feeling 100% faithful to both or balancing your love for either.

Its hard to be in America and not want to be American. To live the American Dream, a life full of luxuries and minimal expectations, an "easy" lifestyle. But then there is the love for everything Indian. Food, people, fashion, culture, drama and emotions. Life would just not be right without those.

I was listening to a Bhangra song the other day that I had danced to a few years ago. The beats gave me goosebumps. I felt an emotion that is unlike anything else. This feeling of closeness to a culture that is so me regardless of how americanized my life gets. Its amazing how a small thing like a dhol beat can stir you up and shake the ground. Make you feel the love for the other part of you that is so often not as in touch.

Oh how I love thee Paris

Oh how we love that Paris Hilton!!! Here is an excerpt from her book that I think is just absolutely HILARIOUS!! I've bolded some of my favorites. Obviously, don't take everything seriously but do take note of some of the things she says. Most of all ... ENJOY!

Paris Says: Here are my fail-safe instructions on how to be an heiress and live like you have a privileged life — and I am serious about them. Most of them, anyway.

MY INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO BE AN HEIRESS

1 BE BORN INTO THE RIGHT FAMILY. Choose your chromosomes wisely. This may seem like ludicrous advice, but actually it isn't. If an heiress is in control of everything, why shouldn't she be in control of who she's born to? You know how everyone always says there are no accidents? Well, I believe you choose who you're born to. And if you do have the misfortune of being born into the wrong family, remember: No one has to know. Airing family laundry is definitely a big no-no for an heiress. You can always reinvent yourself and your lineage if you have to. Half of Park Avenue and Bel Air have. Lineage can be a state of mind.

2 HAVE A GREAT NAME. If you are going to be an heiress, you can't have a normal name, unless you're British. All British people have plain names, and that works pretty well over there. But in America, you've got to have a name that stands out. I love my name. Paris is my favorite city. And Paris without the P is "heiress," isn't it? In sixth grade, people would make fun of me and call me "France" or "London." Well, I'm going to name my own daughter Paris! An heiress needs to have a glamorous — or a really cute — name. My sister Nicky's name is cute. An heiress's dog also needs to have a cute name. My teacup Chihuahua is named Tinkerbell, so she acts like a Tinkerbell. If you have a cute name, you will act cute. If you have a glam name, you will act glam. It's that simple. Future moms should make a note of that.

3 HAVE ABSOLUTELY FLAWLESS SKIN, BUT DON'T FRET OVER IT. Pile makeup on and never, ever have a breakout. Perfect skin is a birthright, and it means you can never really take a bad photograph. No amount of junk food or Coca-Cola can change your skin. And if, God forbid, it does, have a great makeup artist standing by. It can't hurt.

4 EAT ONLY FAST FOOD OR THE MOST FABULOUS FOOD. Greasy chips or perfect crab cakes. Cotton candy or caviar. Fast food or fois gras. French fries or black-pepper shrimp from the Ivy in L.A. Cheesy junk or expensive cheese. Being an heiress is all about extremes.

5 DEVELOP A WAY OF ENTERING A ROOM THAT LOOKS ROYAL AND REGAL BUT NOT SNOBBY. Learn how to pose in an onslaught of flashing lights without blinking. (Note to celebrities: You can always improve.) Always know your best angle — for your body and your face — and work it. Study your own pictures and you'll figure it out.

6 NEVER, EVER WAKE UP BEFORE TEN; NEVER GO TO BED BEFORE THREE. Normal hours are for normal people. You never want to be normal. Anyone can be normal. How boring. I'm yawning.

7 ALWAYS TELL EVERYONE WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR. Then do what you want. That way, no one ever gets mad at you. They get very confused, then blame it on themselves. If anyone confronts you, smile sweetly and act coyly. Particularly with guys. And bosses. Try not to have bosses if you can avoid them. Or have your manager deal with them.

8 NEVER HAVE ONLY ONE CELL PHONE WHEN YOU CAN HAVE MANY. Lose one all the time. That way, if you haven't called someone back, you can blame it on the lost phone. It's very important to get a new model the minute it comes out. Nokias, Ericksons, Motorolas — those are the coolest. Always have at least two numbers: a friend line and a business line. If I feel like avoiding a call, I answer my phone in a phony British accent and say, "Hello, Paris Hilton's line," or something like that. I do that if I'm expecting a call from a guy I've changed my mind about and I don't want to have dinner with him anymore. Every woman has the right to change her mind from time to time; therefore heiresses have more of a right.

9 NEVER WEAR THE SAME THING TWICE. This is particularly important if you're going to be photographed a lot, which I am. If you double up, people will think you have only one outfit — and that's annoying. And untrue.

10 DON'T WEAR A DRESS THAT'S IN ALL THE MAGAZINES. That's for girls with no imagination who just buy what magazines tell them to buy. Look for the cool, unusual dress that no one else has the nerve to wear. Dare to be different. Dare to wear colors and prints. All the boring New York socialite girls wear black. Do you ever see a girl in a magazine wearing black? I don't think so. Don't run out and buy the bag of the moment or the dress of the moment. I like expensive things, but I like cheap things, too. I like anything that's cute and makes me happy. I haven't met too many clothes I didn't like — except black clothes.

11 IF YOU'RE HAPPY, WEAR PINK. If you're depressed, wear black. Black is for people who don't want to have fun with clothes and who are always hiding — in other words, depressed. No one with a truly great body wears black, trust me. And if you really want to stand out and be confident, wear white.

12 MAKE PLANS, PLANS, AND MORE PLANS. Invite everyone you know to come along. If there aren't enough hours in the day, don't worry, there will be. You live in a different time zone: Heiress Time.

13 ACT DITZY. LOSE THINGS. It throws people off and makes them think you're "adorable," and less together than you really are.

14 IF ALL ELSE FAILS, ACT BORED. Not boring. There's a huge difference.

15 PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION ARE OKAY, in limited amounts, but only with your serious boyfriend, because that's exactly what someone with a famous family name is NOT supposed to do. It makes other boys think you're dangerous, so they will all want you, too. Guys like women they're a little afraid of. No, make that a lot afraid of.

16 ALWAYS HAVE A VERY BIG BODYGUARD. It intimidates guys. If a guy does have the nerve to approach you when your bodyguard is around, you know he's got to be pretty fearless.

17 ALWAYS HAVE A TAN. It looks like you've been in an exotic (i.e., expensive) place. It can never look fake, even if it is. Get the spray-on tan, so it doesn't get all over your clothes.

18 CHANGE YOUR HAIRSTYLE ALL THE TIME. Everyone expects you to have the same hairstyle in every photo, and only dull people do that. Tell everyone you're wearing hair extensions even if you aren't, because they don't expect you to tell them.

19 NEVER DRINK DIET SODA. It shows you have no nerve. Only drink real colas, caffeine-packed energy drinks, or Vitamin Water. Hate champagne, because that's what everyone expects you to love. Energy drinks are the best party drinks. You never get tired. You never have a hangover. And you can make fun of all the loaded people who think they're clever but are really acting stupid.

20 FEAR NOTHING — EXCEPT INSECTS. And sweaty guys who insist on kissing you when they come up to say hello. There's nothing worse than a sweaty guy who kisses you on both cheeks. Once is bad enough, but to have to go through it twice is really two times too much.

21 NEVER BE PREDICTABLE. Always surprise people. That way, they will never get tired of you.

22 IF THE MEDIA PLAYS WITH YOU, WELL, PLAY WITH THEM. I went on Saturday Night Live soon after my name was in the headlines every day for something I wasn't too proud of, and which had really upset my family. On "Weekend Update" with Jimmy Fallon, the script had him asking me, "Is it hard to get a room in the Paris Hilton? Is it roomy?" and he wanted to cut it. But I wouldn't let him. No way. That was the funniest line. And I got the upper hand with the media the moment he said it on national TV. That's when it all clicked and things started to change. People knew I could laugh at myself, and that one bad incident was not going to make me lock myself in my room.

23 LAST BUT NOT LEAST: MAKE FUN OF YOURSELF. NEVER TAKE YOURSELF, OR RULES, TOO SERIOUSLY (see all above rules).

Copyright © 2004 by Paris Hilton Entertainment, Inc.

The Season to Reason

No matter how much you think you can handle situations or be rational and logical pre-emptively or not let situations that are out of your control get to you, EMOTIONS ALWAYS GET THE BEST OF YOU. It is exactly those situations that you can't control that cause the most pain and are hardest to deal with. I always thought of myself as someone who could deal with anything. And for the most part I can. I can dettach myself from people and situations very easily. Mostly coz I never really let myself get attached to begin with.

People that don't fit into my life for one of many reasons, I make no room for. (Sound so ruthless and strong) Yet time and time again I find myself sulking over something that just seems impossible to get over. I keep trying to tell myself I am not an emotional person, I'm STRONG, I have seen enough in life to be able to deal with ANYTHING. Yet I find myself struggling with certain people or situations instead of just moving on as I should.

I guess when its not just you but there are other people involved, people that you love and care for and that matter the most to you, emotions start to hold more value and like it or not you can't just walk away. You can't just remove yourself from the situation or remove the people affecting you out of your life.

I know ... I shouldn't let it affect me, I should just learn from it and remember it for the future, I should just forget about it and move on, I should think of whats important and focus on that, I should just communicate and sort things out. I want to just do everything exactly opposite of that. So here I am, using this blog, to vent my feelings and reason with my emotions! I think I feel a little better already : )

--Bulbuli =)

To pay or Not to pay ... that is the question?

Dates these days are just so darn complicated. As if its not hard enough trying to get through the stressful experience, you got to worry about every little detail before, during and after each date. Take the bill for example. Gone are those good old days when girls just looked pretty and boys just paid. With women being smarter and richer and bolder these days, its hard to just expect the guys to pay. I mean most women still do! I think if you were to ask 10 women, atleast 8 would say they would expect the guy to pay. Whether thats fair or not, is a tough question to answer. On one hand there's the male ego that still exists in its fullest form, "How could I let a girl pay?". On the other hand there is the whole issue of equality, "Well if she wants to be treated fairly, I don't want to take away her right to pay!" Not to mention the fact that a date is just a date, no gurantee of anything. People go on hundreds of dates these days and that can get pretty expensive for anyone.

I think people should just pay based on who asked the other person on a date. If the girl is trying to pursue the guy, I don't see why she shouldn't just pay for the date. I mean its only polite to pay for things when you invite someone out. Same for the guys, if they ask a girl out, I think they should definitely pay for the date. If you think about it, this in the long run might prevent the players from asking too many girls out on a date. They just simply won't be able to afford it. Dontcha think ;)

--Bulbuli =)

Where do you weigh in?

Its funny how just a year ago I remember seeing a picture of a friend on mine that I hadn't seen in 3-4 years. I was in shock because she looked twice her size since I'd last seen her. She'd been in a serious relationship and gotten married to the guy which seemed to me was the reason for this massive weight gain. I couldn't understand :-\ How could someone let themselves go that much? How could a person that was thin as a stick become a full branch and seem totally unaware of it? It was beyond my comprehension how a sexy, stylish, single girl had turned into a married, auntie-like figure in the span of a few years.

I remember this incident so clearly because in life I have 2 fears: the fear of aging and the fear of getting fat. I spoke to everyone I knew and talked endlessly about this. It was afterall, my biggest fear and I never wanted to be that girl. I never wanted to settle down and become one of these women that just let their bodies go. I was smart and sophisticated ... a modern girl that doesn't place herself in the old mold. But just to be safe, I made everyone around me promise they would whack me into shape if I did indeed let myself go. All my friends laughed. The fattest I had ever been was not fat at all so no one really thought I'd ever be "fat". So they reassured me that if the impossible was to occur, they would warn me and keep me in check.

Yesterday, after months of settling down and years of irregular workouts that seem to get less frequent each week, I finally got on the scale. It was more just as a joke because my boyfriend really wanted to see how much weight he'd lost (don't I wish I had that problem). STUNNED AND SHOCKED, I couldn't believe what I saw. I was officially 9 pounds overweight. YES, you heard me right, OVERWEIGHT. Me .. Ms. I-am-so-scared-of-aging-and-getting-fat-I-am-never-going-to-be-like-those-girls, I am officially, medically, legally, technically FAT. And it all came without warning. All those friends who'd promised to warn me and my loved ones who'd assured me they'd keep me in check, they were nowhere to be found.

Ok, so maybe I chose to overlook the signs. Like for the past year, when my size 2 jeans just wouldn't fit right and my size 0's started to rip a lil in areas they shouldn't have. Or those love handles that make all my tops a lil more snug than I'd like. Or those jackets that I have a hard time closing the buttons of. Or the way my arms just don't slide through my shirt sleeves anymore. Perhaps those are some signs I chose to ignore but no friend, not even my own blood ever warned me about this all along. My boyfriend was probably too scared to ever even mention it to me but no one else even said a word? NOT ONE WORD .... to warn me and bring me back to reality about how FAT I've gotten.

I cannot tell you how hard and harsh this realization has been. Of course, as I should, I will do my best to fix this situation but for those of you who haven't quite gotten there yet, I wanted to warn you.

WARNING: You may someday get fat so keep the measurements and weight in check ; )

--Bulbuli =)