The Fear of Pregnancy

For as long as I can remember, I was petrified at the thought of being pregnant.  I never could understand how women did that for nine months, carried a little person inside them, walked around as if nothing was unusual about them and then to top it all off pushed a full size baby out their Va-jay-jays.  Just the thought of it made me cringe.  After I got married, every time the topic of having children came up, I found myself asking for a bit more time.  I just didn't feel ready to go through this.  To experience such pain for 9 months and then give up my life for the 18 years after that.

The quickest way to get over that was a surprise conception.  Yep, I was going about my life as usual and then BOOM came a delayed period and a surprise pregnancy :-O  I can't express to you the shock and surprise that hit us when we realized I was pregnant, I mean I knew one day I would be but I definitely hadn't thought it would be here NOW!

A year later, here I am with a beautiful, most adorable little girl in my arms and somewhat surprised at the beauty of pregnancy.  Nine months is a long time. Everything happens so gradually that you don't have to work hard in getting used to the idea of carrying a child. I still remember the first time I heard my baby's heartbeat, words cannot describe the feeling you get when you hear that fast sound of a tiny beating heart.  Its the first realization that there is a life growing inside you.  A truly incredible and memorable experience.  Then the first time I saw my baby on ultrasound, it blew me away even more.  The tiny little head, hands, feet and torso, it is indescribable how amazing it feels to see the image of your child and realize what is happening inside you.

I can honestly say today, I loved being pregnant.  Despite the morning sickness, physical pain and sleepless nights (and boy did I have plenty of those), it was a warm and emotionally enriching experience.  People were extremely nice to me throughout my pregnancy.  Everyone was more considerate and accommodating.  My husband, family and friends were all so sweet. I felt incredibly loved and cared for throughout.  There is a genuine kindness that automatically occurs when people see a pregnant woman.  It was really amazing to see so much love and affection.  It kept me happy throughout the 8 months (you don't find out about your pregnancy till at least a month into it).

As far as the delivery goes, it was my biggest fear.  I had been to the Labor & Delivery course and let me tell you, whoever thinks you need to watch those videos to help you understand the birthing process couldn't be more WRONG.  There is no reason a woman who is about to give birth needs to see what is about to happen down there.  I couldn't sleep for days just worrying and wondering how in the world I would ever push a baby out, the way I had seen in those videos.

When my labor started, the contractions were quite painful (probably more painful than any cramp you've ever experienced) but once I got the epidural it was significantly bearable.  I felt like I was floating.  The anticipation was growing and the whole waiting period was well spent with both our families.  I highly recommend having family/friends around during labor.  It made time fly and seeing their anxiousness was quite endearing.

Pushing was quite exhausting, especially when you do it for almost 2 hours :D  However, seeing my husband's face as he held my hand, seeing the excitement in his eyes as he saw our baby's head helped me with the process tremendously.

Nothing in your whole life will compare to the feeling you get from holding your child in your arm.  Seeing and hearing your baby for the first time is the most emotionally fulfilling experience in the world. You can hear about other people's experiences all you want but no one can really explain to you how wonderful it feels to see your child, a tiny little life that you brought into this world.

I can now see why they say a woman feels complete after childbirth.  It is emotionally, physically and mentally the most intense process you will ever go through but the rewards are simply priceless.  We stare at her in awe every day and are amazed at how we created this incredibly wonderful and precious little person.  I can say with full sincerity, I would do it all over again :)

Hello 2010

Wow, 2009 flew by in a blink of an eye. It has been one of the most important years of my life. I acquired my most prized possession last year, my daughter :) It has been a wonderful journey and I can't wait to blog about it more. For now just saying Happy New Year!!! (Atleast its still January)

I miss writing. Hope to write a lot more this year!!