Single in your Thirties

If there is one thing most single desi girls fear, its being unmarried on their 30th birthday. In a culture where marriage is the single most important part of a woman's life, there is probably nothing worse in the eye's of society than a girl who was unable to marry at a decent age. Never mind that your older brother is on his 15th girlfriend, or your friends are all single or that there are no qualified men you have come across in over 2 years, all that matters is that you were unable to find a desi guy who you could marry before you get too old.

Our parents blame our "pickiness" or "american influences" for this "mess" we have become. According to them, if we were in India, we wouldn't even have had a choice in the matter of marriage even though all my cousins picked their own spouses and most of them didn't marry till their late twenties or early thirties. Arranged marriages are a thing of the past, especially in most modern cities in India. Women these days are smarter, more educated, more aware and definitely more independent than they used to be. They don't rely on men for financial or sometimes even emotional support any more. Most are very capable of taking care of themselves and extremely career oriented. Their sole purpose in life is not to manage the household or be the perfect wife or support their husband's goals, they have their own dreams and aspirations to attain.

This pickiness that our parents complain about is mostly due to our inability in finding men that can keep up with us or match us every step of the way. I'm not trying to say that women are better than men or anything of the sort. I'm just saying both parties should think long and hard about a decision that is sure to affect not just their future but also that of their families. Why would you want to settle down with someone that you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with simply due to a time constraint? Why would you want to rush into things and get into a marriage that is based on uncertainty? Marriage is not a game of roulette where you can take a chance of betting on a number and hope to get lucky. Its a process that requires a lot of thought, understanding and strong commitment from both parties involved.

When is the right age to get married, how to figure out if some one's right for you ... these are all questions I will address in future blogs but today I really want to focus on girls my age that are crumbling under family pressure. Many of my friends who are fast approaching their 30th birthday recently contacted me about setting them up with available men I might know. They are feeling the pressure and in a rush to make the deadline. It is the saddest thing I have ever seen. Given that I'm not single and probably not as capable of understanding the pressure they must be feeling but I feel terrible about the fact that they have to force themselves into making the most important decision of their lives simply due to parental misconceptions. They can't just let life take its course and let events happen when timing is right for them. They have to follow predetermined time lines and make the deadlines based on what others think is appropriate for them.

When I was single I loved the fact that I could embrace it. I loved being single and at times thought I would never get married. I just couldn't imagine meeting a guy that would be right for me, one that I could willingly and happily spend the rest of my life with. But I met him, I fell in love, I got married and I now have this amazing person in my life who, in my opinion, is the best husband in the world. I wish the same for all my single friends. I want them to find love. I want them to meet a guy that will love them for who they are. I want them to marry someone who will respect their goals in life and help them fulfil all their lifelong dreams. I wish the friends and families would lay off and let these girls live their lives based on timing thats right for them not to settle for whats available right now.