To tell or not to tell??

My friend Meena recently told me some juicy gossip about our friend Deena. I'm pretty sure she wasn't supposed to tell me all that she did but she just couldn't help it. In the flow of our conversation she ended up spilling all the wrong beans. Her boyfriend was probably very shocked and quite unhappy about the fact that she had done so. Afterall, what if I went back and told Deena what Meena had said about her? But to my friend Meena this hadn't occurred, that is, until she saw Deena the next time. She felt like Deena was ignoring her or somehow being different. Now, I never went and told Deena anything so I know that there is a good chance Deena is just being normal but guilt has made Meena extremely paranoid and so it finally hit her. Perhaps spilling the beans on our good friend Deena wasn't such a good idea after all.

We have all been in this situation before. As funny as it was watching Meena, I realized that I have probably felt that paranoia at some point in my life. It is so hard to withhold information and so tough not to just add your 2 cents when talking about other people. Especially when you know stuff that no one else does. I've learned my lesson in the past so these days I refrain from sharing any information I might know that others don't. I have always been the kind pf person that says things behind people's backs that they could say to their faces but sometimes you end up saying stuff you might not want to say to any one's face. Now, however, I think its best just to mind your own business and only share information that others already know. This way you avoid the paranoia that can truly torture you time and time again.

Single in your Thirties

If there is one thing most single desi girls fear, its being unmarried on their 30th birthday. In a culture where marriage is the single most important part of a woman's life, there is probably nothing worse in the eye's of society than a girl who was unable to marry at a decent age. Never mind that your older brother is on his 15th girlfriend, or your friends are all single or that there are no qualified men you have come across in over 2 years, all that matters is that you were unable to find a desi guy who you could marry before you get too old.

Our parents blame our "pickiness" or "american influences" for this "mess" we have become. According to them, if we were in India, we wouldn't even have had a choice in the matter of marriage even though all my cousins picked their own spouses and most of them didn't marry till their late twenties or early thirties. Arranged marriages are a thing of the past, especially in most modern cities in India. Women these days are smarter, more educated, more aware and definitely more independent than they used to be. They don't rely on men for financial or sometimes even emotional support any more. Most are very capable of taking care of themselves and extremely career oriented. Their sole purpose in life is not to manage the household or be the perfect wife or support their husband's goals, they have their own dreams and aspirations to attain.

This pickiness that our parents complain about is mostly due to our inability in finding men that can keep up with us or match us every step of the way. I'm not trying to say that women are better than men or anything of the sort. I'm just saying both parties should think long and hard about a decision that is sure to affect not just their future but also that of their families. Why would you want to settle down with someone that you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with simply due to a time constraint? Why would you want to rush into things and get into a marriage that is based on uncertainty? Marriage is not a game of roulette where you can take a chance of betting on a number and hope to get lucky. Its a process that requires a lot of thought, understanding and strong commitment from both parties involved.

When is the right age to get married, how to figure out if some one's right for you ... these are all questions I will address in future blogs but today I really want to focus on girls my age that are crumbling under family pressure. Many of my friends who are fast approaching their 30th birthday recently contacted me about setting them up with available men I might know. They are feeling the pressure and in a rush to make the deadline. It is the saddest thing I have ever seen. Given that I'm not single and probably not as capable of understanding the pressure they must be feeling but I feel terrible about the fact that they have to force themselves into making the most important decision of their lives simply due to parental misconceptions. They can't just let life take its course and let events happen when timing is right for them. They have to follow predetermined time lines and make the deadlines based on what others think is appropriate for them.

When I was single I loved the fact that I could embrace it. I loved being single and at times thought I would never get married. I just couldn't imagine meeting a guy that would be right for me, one that I could willingly and happily spend the rest of my life with. But I met him, I fell in love, I got married and I now have this amazing person in my life who, in my opinion, is the best husband in the world. I wish the same for all my single friends. I want them to find love. I want them to meet a guy that will love them for who they are. I want them to marry someone who will respect their goals in life and help them fulfil all their lifelong dreams. I wish the friends and families would lay off and let these girls live their lives based on timing thats right for them not to settle for whats available right now.

My new blog

A book I was reading last night inspired me to create a new blog. I felt so touched and emotional by this book's character that it made me want to do something about it. I realize that I am extremely fortunate to have everything I have in my life: family, friends, home, health, wealth, love, education. freedom. There are people in this world that struggle to make ends meet, that deal with one hardship after another, that face challenges beyond their control. I wanted to create this blog to say my prayers for them everyday. Some day soon I hope to create my own Big Give or Pay it forward scheme but for now I want to spend a few moments a day thinking about those that are much less fortunate.

So check it out at http://myprayersfortheworld.blogspot.com/ and if you can find the time be sure to say a prayer of your own for someone that may have touched your heart.

=)

Television Addicts Anonymous

I am addicted to TV. I can seriously spend a whole week watching TV nonstop, only getting up for quick breaks to the bathroom or for replenishing my food supply. Isn't that just insane? I mean I know its such a royal waste of time but its the one thing my A.D.D. mind can truly unwind to. I can't even fall asleep unless the TV is on and the noise of Nick at Nite works like a soothing lullaby helping me doze off.

TIVO has only made this addiction worse. Before DVR I would miss all my favorite shows, since I was never home for any of them, and not care because there was no other option. Now, knowing that I can save any show I would want to watch and have it at my dispense 24x7, makes for a long list of pointless shows that I find myself watching every free moment that I can get. I stay up waaaay past what should be my bedtime, simply because I can't resist the urge to watch that extra episode of some stupid show that i would otherwise not even know exists. Serious waste of my precious time!!!

But TV has taught me sooooo much!!! It has taught me about the culture of a country I was so new to and knew nothing about 16 years ago (given that my high school was not quite like the one in Saved by the Bell or 90210). It has taught me about drama that I thought only existed in Bollywood movies & shows. It has taught me about the Fabulous life of so many celebrities I would have never known (just more to add to things I need to buy someday that will probably not make much difference in my life except giving me the sheer joy of knowing I can afford outrageous expenses). It has taught me ways I can redo my house or cook gourmet meals (all right fine so I've never moved a table in the house but at least I know the option is there and I did use a cup once to mold rice, restaurant style, in a nice circle for my in-laws first dinner at our place ... presentation is everything). It has taught me how the universe came to be and how it may someday not be (don't you just love National Geographic & History Channels ... yes ... I do watch those sometimes). It has kept me up to date on every move Britney Spears and the American Economy have made. TV has shown me how people really live on the Hills, Big Brother, America's next top model, the Newlyweds and the Real Housewives & how they should live on the Gossip Girl, Brothers & Sisters, Hot Shots, Sex and the city, Lipstick Jungle and Desperate Housewives.

I would know nothing today if it wasn't for TV. So I think its perfectly OK for me to spend the amount of hours (the exact number shall remain undisclosed) on my favorite pass time, the wonderful world of Television.

Sense of time

These days I feel like I have no sense of time, or perhaps it was like this before and I just never realized it. When I see my friends it feels like I just saw them yesterday when in reality I haven't seen them in 3-4-5 months (maybe I just didn't miss them that much *haw* or maybe these past few months have flown by). I thought my 3 year anniversary was coming up but I haven't even passed the 2 year mark yet. I've been in this city for a few years but it feels like a lifetime, Can't even imagine not having lived here. What did I ever do before moving here?

Looking back I think about some of the significant events in my life: birthdays, relationships, graduations, jobs, moves, etc. Its almost surreal to me that I experienced those at some point in my life. I feel so distant from some of these events, which could also be a result of major memory loss thanks to gallons of alcohol consumption over the years. Its almost as if I am remembering scenes from some movie I saw many years ago instead of having lived through those times myself. Clearly it was me; celebrating those birthdays, going through the relationships, working on my class projects, changing jobs every 2 years, moving to new cities every few years; definitely me that lived through it. Then why does it feel like someone else's life. Have I changed that much?

I don't know if its good or bad but time seems to be passing me by faster then I had ever imagined. I need to remind myself to take a breather and reflect on life in order to appreciate all the good and bad that has made this life sucha fun adventure so far.

Gossip Girl or Gossip Guy?

Girls were, are and probably always will be considered the town gossips. Possibly somewhat true! Boys on the other hand are just perfect, they don't ever stick their noses where they don't belong, they never care about anyone else's business and always just mind their own. SO FALSE!!!!!

I was at a dinner party recently where the guys seemed to be doing more of the gossip than the girls. Here we were, having conversations about shopping, working out, weddings, and cooking (such good lil girls), only to glance over and hear the guys discussing everyone else's business. Their conversation was full of drama, who did what to whom, what someone shouldn't have done, how some guy got rid of his girlfriend and how another scored some with a new girl. I mean COME ON!!!! Is that not gossipping?

What's funny about this is that it is not something new. For as long as I have seen, men tend to be just as curious and judgemental about everyone else's life as women, if not more. Yet its always the women that take the blame and bad rep for being the "washington post". I think its coz men are just smarter at keeping their image clean and quick to act very nonchalant about any fingers pointed at them. Uggghhhhh .. makes me so mad to think of how chalu they are and how much they get away with.

Luck or Hard Work???

You've probably heard your parents or teachers tell you throughout life to work hard and it will pay off. Give it your best shot and you will succeed. Put your heart and soul into what you want and you can have anything you set your mind to. Then there are those that swear by luck. Destiny is everything according to these believers of fate. You can only have what you are destined to have.

I look around me and think about the many people in my life that are at different phases in their careers. There are those that have done well, some that have lost their path to success and others that have succeeded beyond my wildest expectations. I have seen 25 year olds becoming Directors and Program Managers, entrepreneurs all around in their mid 20's - mid 30's, young CEO/CTO/CFOs and yet some still searching for the "perfect job".

I have a cousin that just started a company last year thats already valued at 10's of millions of dollars. A friend of mine signed a deal last year making him a millionaire for at least the next 10 years. Another friend who is making recording deals and is a millionaire before hitting 25. One whose trust fund is maturing next month and another whose kids will probably never have to work .

So is it hard work that brought them where they are or is it luck? Sure most of these people have put a lot of effort and sleepless nights into getting to where they are today. These are smart individuals with immense drives and great ambitions that lead them to success and prosperity. The trust fund babies had it all handed to them on a silver platter but they will probably spend their lives working hard in trying to maintain it. But is it just plain hard work that is solely responsible for the incredible success these people have achieved?

There are so many people that I know that are total worker bees that work above and beyond the call of duty yet they are not nearly as successful. The employees that are first in and last out yet are still awaiting promotions after doing their job well for 12 years. People that have built companies from the ground up and given it their all only to see it crumble in front of them due to freak accidents or poor economy. Classic example is of those that invested in the real estate or stock market. There are those that made millions and others that followed that lost millions. A relative of mine doubled his business thanks to a storm that hit the city next to his destroying all business in that city hence allowing my cousin to step in and take more business. I mean isn't that just pure luck? The storm could've hit his city just as easily and then he'd be outta business but instead here he is richer faster than he had expected.

I have a cousin in India who says he's just waiting for his good fortune to come. He doesn't think he has to do anything because he knows its his fate to be rich in life, his palm reader said so. He is still living with his parents and unhappily unmarried. So clearly, just luck doesn't do it.

What is it that pushes you to that next level, beyond the norm?? Is it equal amounts of luck & hard work or the "right" combination of the two? If so, how do you get to the right combination???

--Bulbuli =)